The Romantic Black. We HEAR GIGGLES, KISSING, QUICK FOOTSTEPS shuffling through thick grass. FADE IN: EXT. THE MOON -- NIGHT CLOSE ON two unblinking eyes gazing forth in maniacal contemplation. PULL OUT to slowly reveal PJORRC, a blue skinned snake of a man. Alien in form. An artificial nose shaped like a butcher's cleaver latches onto his face via two thin strings tied tightly behind his pointy ears. PJORRC (V.O.) (V.O.) Humor me, oh angels grand, and instill my voice validity. For I sing the might of Romance, who, having suffered the plights of man, made of himself a better thing. DRIFT OUT revealing a Jack O'Lantern, luminous and floating in OUTER SPACE. This is THE MOON. Pjorrc stands within its gaping mouth. Clockwork gears chug in silhouette behind him. We are abruptly wrenched from the moon's pull and thrown into the Earth's gravity. We soar past fields, rural barns, rusted fences and gnarled trees and come to a rest in... EXT. THE HEKULDAM MEADOWS -- NIGHT TWO PAIRS OF SLENDER LEGS, male and female, crash through the shaggy grasses, silhouetted in moonlight. SMOOCHING. LAUGHING. Clothes fly through the air. EXT. MOUNT PAAP'S PEAK -- NIGHT ROMANCE, an adolescent jumble of awkward bony limbs, stands disrobed before a deliciously naked PRETTY LADY. They are surrounded by a menagerie of wild vines and gargantuan flowers. She presses her lips to his in a wet kiss. Romance's eyes snap open. A look of concern. Oblivious, Pretty Lady pulls him to the ground. His face is distressed. She mounts Romance and rides him with glutinous satisfaction. Panting, breath breath breath. He lays still. Terror. A BRIEF PERIOD LATER, Romance, dressed, sits up against A CROOKED TREE, alone. ROMANCE Hey Pretty Lady, how's every little thing? PULL OUT to reveal the couple on top of a slanted mountain peak, the crooked tree jutting forth from the tip. Romance leans against the bark. Pretty Lady hops about, putting on her slippers. Dressed, she waves to Romance and leaves. Back to Romance, sighing in melancholy. INT. THE VENT MONGER'S PALACE -- DAY A purple, polka-dotted rug leads from the entrance of the lavishly decorated room to a regal throne. A PALACE GUARD - sturdy and stone-faced, stands near. Sitting upon the throne is THE VENT MONGER, a slimy, snail like woman with a striped dress and a greased pompadour. A crown sits atop her head. She hunches over a baby stroller, vigorously shaking a rattle. Tiny hands shoot up from the carriage, clawing at the toy. Romance stands timidly a few yards away from the others. VENT MONGER A bull? You want a bull? What for? The baby screams. VENT MONGER (CONT'D) Oh yes! Daddy will be home soon! He's coming! She turns her attention back to Romance. ROMANCE I-- The baby giggles, tiny arms flailing at the toy. VENT MONGER Ooo look at your little feetsus! How immaculate! Precious! I could just gobble you up in a bowl of baby soup! Romance raises his head, suspiciously eyeing the bizarre cooing. VENT MONGER (CONT'D) Oh and your wee head! I could bake it into a pie and serve it to the gods with a side of cream and currant sauce! Yum! ROMANCE Ma'am? VENT MONGER Yes yes yes yes yes! Get a bull! Take a bull! What's one beast worth, anyhow. Romance bows happily and exits. VENT MONGER (CONT'D) (muttering) What's one human worth, for that matter. The tiny hands snatch the rattle into the carriage. The Vent Monger frowns and struggles to pull it from the baby's grasp. She succeeds with a jolt, but is surprised to see a giant, jagged bite taken out of the trinket. INT. PALACE HALLWAY -- DAY A series of portraits of past monarchs line the slender corridor. Lost in thought, Romance stumbles into FAT DADDY - a naked, prickly beast with a giant top hat and an Abraham Lincoln beard. His hands are enormous talons fixed onto his fleshy light bulb shaped body by two small, stick-like arms. His flabby paunch drapes over his genitals. No need for clothes. ROMANCE Oh, excuse me. FAT DADDY Oh! No worries, my boy! However - if it happens again, I'll shuck the sinews from off your bones like husks from an ear of corn. Fat Daddy hurries away. Romance is stunned. Weird people. FAT DADDY (O.S.) (O.S.) (CONT'D) Oh my Queen! Mommy dear! Daddy is home! EXT. THE IPHIGEAN FOREST -- DAY A blue forest. A LIVE BULL hangs by a rope from a tree. The rope twists around a thick branch then cuts diagonally downward towards the base to which it is tied. Romance stands before the dangling bull, knife in hand. An ignited bale of hay puffs out smoke from below the animal, causing it to cough and flail. Romance reluctantly draws back the knife as the bull panics. A fierce flash of determination and he strikes. Blood gushes onto the fire, extinguishing it. Romance falls to his knees and prays. ROMANCE Obble Dee Puh Puh, God of All Gods, I sing my beholden voice to you. I honor your life by marking my hands and thus I plea. Last eve you took from me my love and appetite for a pretty lady. Her glow was gone. It had decayed. Romance raises a hand to caress the dead bulls head. ROMANCE (CONT'D) Her sweat was sweat. Her flesh was flesh. And for the first time I found her tedious. You took my love. I petition for it back. CLOSE IN on a shriveled and toothless mouth. RUMPELSTILTSKIN How romantic. ROMANCE Obble Dee Puh Puh? RUMPELSTILTSKIN gazes out from the brush at Romance, mostly concealed by the forest's shadow. RUMPELSTILTSKIN Oh no, not me, I'm just a little old man! I was passing through when I heard screaming... Romance looks at the dead bull with guilt. ROMANCE I performed the ritual just how I was taught. But nothing has happened. I feel the same. RUMPELTILTSKIN And how do you feel? ROMANCE I don't know. RUMPELTILTSKIN Well, if I were this Obble-Dee-Puh-Puh, this omnipotent God of all Gods, I don't think I'd care much for what you and your kin had to say. Especially when said human in question knows not even how he feels. The old man leans out of the shadows, revealing himself as a tiny monstrous ball of aged green flesh and stringy hair. ROMANCE Blast! You're not a little old man, you're-- RUMPELSTILTSKIN An ugly little monster. And you're a-- Romance dives at Rumpelstiltskin with his knife. The spry dwarf bounds out of the way and lands gracefully in front of the tree to which the bull is tied. Romance stumbles and falls. ROMANCE (anger) When we were young we were told stories of your kind. RUMPELSTILTSKIN I'm sure you were! And perhaps you were told how we delight in trapping young humans, slitting their throats, and eating their hands! EEEK! Romance snaps his arm forward, whipping the knife through the air. Rumpelstiltskin ducks and the blade passes over his head and into the meat of the tree, lacerating the rope. SHNAP! The hanging bull carcass crashes down upon Romance. RUMPELSTILTSKIN (CONT'D) Hah! And sometimes they manage to trap themselves! Romance futilely struggles to free himself, his right arm painfully pinned forward. Groans. The petite monster dances around Romance in a macabre chicken-strut. RUMPELSTILTSKIN (CONT'D) Now... Rumpelstiltskin draws a LARGE, GOLDEN SPINNING NEEDLE from his belt pouch. It shimmers. A small ornate apple is set on the top end. SQOOSH, he thrusts the spindle into a panicking Romance's right hand, tacking it to the ground. A small squirt of blood. RUMPELSTILTSKIN (CONT'D) That was for your attempt upon my life. Tell me, oh mighty human man, why shouldn't I finish the job and gobble up your hands? They smell so talented and tasty... Rumpelstiltskin jumps atop Romance's head. His neck snaps forward, sharp fangs tear out from his bottom jaw and beak-like nose. Claws emerge from finger tips, eyes glow orange. RUMPELSTILTSKIN (CONT'D) Hands, that's where the soul lives. Some would say the heart, or perhaps the head, but nay! It is through the crunchy sinew of finger and fleshy pulp of palm that the machinations of our minds are made real. And what do these hands do? I'm tickled to know the cut of a soul before I swallow it down! ROMANCE (terrified) No! I need them! I sew tapestries, I'm a weaver! My hands are my life! The vicious midget salivates. DRIP, DRIP. He speaks slowly, lustfully. RUMPELSTILTSKIN But you did not hesitate to try to take my life! ROMANCE Because you're a monster! RUMPELSTILTSKIN And you're a human! ROMANCE I'm not a murderer! RUMPELSTILTSKIN Your friend the bull would disagree! ROMANCE But he's just an animal! The monster springs off of Romance's head and lands in front of his impaled right hand. RUMPELSTILTSKIN And you're just a human. You kill animals for your gods, monsters for your fears... what would it take for you to kill one of your own? Perhaps only the right motivation! ROMANCE I'd never kill another human! Please, let me go and I promise I'll never hurt another living thing! RUMPELSTILTSKIN Hurt as many living things as you wish, I don't care. You'll have to promise more than that. ROMANCE I'll promise you anything! I swear on my life! RUMPELSTILTSKIN Anything? Romance nods. Rumpelstiltskin deliberates, then effortlessly plucks the bull from Romance and flings it away. Romance slowly sits up and sets to work freeing his hand. RUMPELSTILTSKIN (CONT'D) You are young, quick to anger. I can forgive that. I admire a boy with a hearty temper, capable hands and a broken heart! Such romance can ensue. ROMANCE My heart's not broken, its love was just taken away. The needle slides out of Romance's wounded hand with a slurp. ROMANCE (CONT'D) (wincing) Ahh! Here, this is yours. RUMPELSTILTSKIN Keep it! Perhaps it's the key to what you are missing. Perhaps not. And perhaps if it is love you're after, you should pray to a different god... one who specializes in matters of the heart... Po, the Goddess of Love. ROMANCE I already thought of that, but I don't know how to find her. And she doesn't listen to sacrifices. RUMPELSTILTSKIN Hmmmmm. I know of an old fortune teller who could lead you there. A small fellow, goes by the name of Patience. ROMANCE Would you tell me how to find him?! RUMPELSTILTSKIN With the right motivation, of course. FADE TO BLACK. INSERT TITLE - ONE YEAR LATER. EXT. THE LIBIDIAN MOUNTAIN RANGE -- DAY A slew of jagged mountain peaks scrape the sky. A haggard Romance sulks across a flat summit. He slowly gazes out at the view and sees a tiny house upon the ledge below... EXT. PATIENCE'S HOUSE -- DAY PATIENCE'S HOUSE perches on a set of frog-like legs, entangled in a garden of mammoth flowers. Scaly arms erupt from the stone side walls. A lone rectangular window stares at Romance like the eye of a cyclops. A sign stands at the entrance reading "NO PREGNANT CHICKS". Romance approaches. The door creaks open. INT. PATIENCE'S HOUSE -- DAY Inside a peculiar room is PATIENCE - a tiny bearded man sporting a giant pointed hat, his left eye veiled under a black patch. Many oddities in the room - his chest of drawers has feet, hands, and ears. Alcohol bottles and brewing equipment scatter the wooden floors. There are piles upon piles of ROUND, LUMPY BABIES scattered throughout. PATIENCE Get the balls out of here! ROMANCE Excuse me sir, I... PATIENCE You ugly bucket of bald weirdos! I don't want to buy anymore babies! Patience scurries across the room and jumps into a group of babies piled on his bed like leaves. ROMANCE Sir... I'm not trying to sell you any... babies? Patience pops out of the pile, spilling babies around the floor. He pauses and thinks. PATIENCE Bastard! Patience launches another baby at Romance. ROMANCE This is awfully silly, I don't have any-- SMACK, another pink blob in a diaper decks Romance in the face, knocking him to the ground. Patience jumps off the bed and runs to the far corner of the room. PATIENCE Cack! Liar! Fiend! Patience darts behind the humanoid-chest of drawers. ROMANCE I was sent here by a grizzled old monster who told me of a hermit named Patience who could... Romance notices Patience dragging a homemade catapult out from behind the chest of drawers. He rummages around a pile of babies, picks out a fat one, and loads in into the wobbly contraption. ROMANCE (CONT'D) (nervous) Help me find... Love? Long pause. Stillness. Patience's arm abruptly tenses, the catapult's lever wrenches downwards. SPRONK! The baby soars across the room and wallops Romance, knocking him on his back. He lays still, the baby sitting contently on his face. PATIENCE You're not my type. The miniature old man scurries over to Romance and stands on his chest. PATIENCE (CONT'D) Who told you my name? ROMANCE (muffled) An old monster. A spinner. Patience scampers back to the other side of the room, furiously scratching at his nose and suspiciously eyeing his guest. Romance sits up and plucks the baby from his face. The bizarre infant toddles away unfazed. PATIENCE Okay. I'm going to help you. But I want you to know I think your pants are stupid and I'm not attracted to you in any way. Patience pauses, looks at Romance, runs over, hugs him, and scooters back. ROMANCE What was that? PATIENCE You looked like you needed a hug. But stop wasting time. Patience hastens towards the chest of drawers. PATIENCE (CONT'D) He doesn't like that. Patience jumps into the open bottom drawer and it slams shut. The chest begins to bang and clatter around. THUNK THUNK THUD. The top drawer flies open. Patience pops out chucking away BALLOONS, POTS, SEX TOYS, BABIES, PANTIES, AND ASSORTED WEIRD OBJECTS. The top drawer slams shut. THUNK THUNK THUD. ROMANCE What are you doing? PATIENCE (slightly muffled) Preparing for the end of the world. The bottom drawer pops open and Patience hops out, carrying a backpack. PATIENCE (CONT'D) Now kiddo, let's go find your missing parents before it's too late. Exasperation on Romance. Patience scuttles by and springs out of the front door. A pause. His head pops back in. PATIENCE (CONT'D) Just pulling your pickle. EXT. PATIENCE'S HOUSE -- DAY Patience hurries along. Romance exits the house and quickly catches up. ROMANCE Will it be long until we find Love? PATIENCE Practically forever. Patience stops walking, Romance almost stumbles into him. ROMANCE Well, why have we stopped, then? PATIENCE We're here. PULL OUT to see the two standing in front of a mountainous rocky wall. ROMANCE This is it? Patience turns towards his house. PATIENCE Yes. And no. It's up there, it's a long climb, and a long fall, but do not be afraid! Romance climbs. EXT. PO'S CAVE -- DAY A massive VAGINAL CAVE rips into the mountain's side. Romance stands on a spacious grassy ledge gazing into the dark hole. TWO STONE MONOLITHS - towering, horse-faced monsters - stand at either side of the opening, gripping the cave's lips as if prying it ajar. INT. PO'S CAVE -- DAY Romance apprehensively walks down a long stone corridor. SINISTER MASKS ordain the walls. Something THICK and WET drips in the background. Romance tenses and, startled, he falls to his knees. We travel further along the hall until all is shadow. A blue eye pulses and glows to life. A vague outline of a curvaceous body materializes in the darkness. CLOSE IN on Romance, kneeling with his head bent down, eyes closed. ROMANCE Po, wife of the Time God Pjorrc, I come to you as a suppliant of your domain. I... you... I don't love my girlfriend anymore. And I want to again. Help me, please. A FLESHY, CRINKLY SOUND approaches. SHLOPPSH, SHLOPPSH. A set of slender claws, lethal yet feminine, hover above the back of Romance's neck. They descend, seductively stroking him. He shivers in pleasure. PO Cutie pie, that's the damn sweetest thing my old ears have heard in years. But I'm afraid I can't do that. PO is revealed, starting at her feet and moving upwards - unveiling a voluptuous body decorated in luxurious garments. Her breasts are massive sacks that sag slightly, melting off of her stick thin body - suggesting her age. Her face is concealed behind a beautiful bone white mask. The lips are dark blue and mechanically hinged, creaking up and down as she speaks. PO (CONT'D) Not for all the butterfly kisses in the world. ROMANCE Why not? Po turns to leave the hallway and Romance, heading towards the opening of her living room. Warm mellow light oozes into the hallway from the room's interior. PO Cause sweets, it ain't natural. ROMANCE Natural? Romance leaps up to follow Po. INT. PO'S LIVING ROOM -- DAY Po enters her room with Romance quickly trailing behind. The living room looks like a cross between a 1970s lounge, Circe's cave, and Frankenstein's laboratory. A huge eyeball drips off of the ceiling like a chandelier. In spite of this, it still appears very cozy and inviting. PO Of nature. It ain't the way things work. Humans march out of love just as easy as they march in. Po continues walking towards her kitchen as Romance stands still in disappointment. PO (CONT'D) Be content, handsome. You at least tasted me once. INT. PO'S KITCHEN -- DAY CLOSE IN on a pumpkin, sitting on a wooden table. SHINK, a knife plunges downward sinking into the pumpkin's flesh. Establish Po in her kitchen, carving the pumpkin on a table. The room is quaint and homey. Old wooden cupboards on the walls, piles of pumpkins and sacks of apples on the floor. PO (CONT'D) That's more than most men get. INT. PO'S LIVING ROOM -- DAY BACK ON Romance. ROMANCE No. No! I don't believe that. Love can't be that transient! PO (O.S.) (O.S.) Well, let me tell you a secret, sweets... Po approaches and flirtatiously places a finger on his nose. PO (CONT'D) Promise not to tell? ROMANCE Yes... PO (whispers) It is. Po walks back into the kitchen, leaving Romance standing dumbfounded and alone. INT. PO'S KITCHEN -- DAY Po bends over and peaks into the hearth, alluringly exhibiting her derriere. PO Would you like something to eat? I have a pumpkin tart baking in the hearth, it will be done in but a few. She looks back and sees Romance leaning on one arm against the entrance to her living room, head down. ROMANCE (under breath) I just want to love her again. Po approaches him from behind and hugs him, resting her chin on his shoulder. She inhales. A look of sensual intoxication crosses the icy complexion of her mask. PO Mmm. You smell nice... like sweat, and nutmeg. ROMANCE Please. Po sighs. PO How many monsters are you willing to in debt yourself to for this lady? ROMANCE As many as it takes. PO This isn't natural. ROMANCE It's what I want. PO Yes, I suppose it is. Very well then. Po's arm plunges forward and tears into Romance's chest. He yelps in pain, teeters back, then falls to his knees. Po's hand remains in his chest. She tenses her arm, we HEAR a loud echoing HEART BEAT and drastically ZOOM IN to the white of Romance's eye. INT. ROMANCES MIND -- DAY In an empty white void, Romance sits at a spinning wheel, concentrating. CLOSE IN on his determined face. Suddenly, he looks happy. Pleasure. Pretty Lady stands behind him, massaging his shoulders. His head cocks backwards, looking up at her from his stool. She bends down and kisses him. THUMP-THUMP, we ZOOM OUT into present reality. INT. PO'S LIVING ROOM -- EVENING Romance gasps and looks at Po. She withdrawals her hand from his chest and shakes off the blood. A beat. Romance smiles and jumps into Po's arms. ROMANCE You... you... CLOSE IN on Po's face, enjoying the hug. ROMANCE (CONT'D) Thank you. Po's artificial mouth forms a smile. Then, abruptly, a look of shock. She finds herself standing alone. EXT. PO'S CAVE -- EVENING Romance peaks over the mountain ledge, hands gripping the grassy foliage that lines the shelf. ROMANCE (CONT'D) You don't know what you've just done for me! Without waiting for a response, Romance springs off the side of the mountain, spins in the air, and plunges towards the earth with a look of complete contentment upon him. Po approaches the edge of the shelf. PO Sweets, if'n only you knew what I've just done for you, you'd be asking for my head. PJORRC (O.S.) (O.S.) And what makes you so certain he won't be coming back for it soon? PO (tense) Come out of the shadows, King of Clocks. You have no right to slither into my grotto unannounced. Pjorrc emerges from the shadows, slowly lurching towards Po. PJORRC I came to observe. And to warn. And to say goodbye. It has recently come to my attention that the human thing you just gave host to will effectuate the end of our world. EXT. PATIENCE'S HOUSE -- EVENING PJORRC (V.O.) (V.O.) He will kill us all. Romance plummets through the air and lands on his feet. The force of his fall causes the ground to crack. Unharmed, he springs back into the air with a giant leap. EXT. THE SKY ABOVE A FOREST -- EVENING Romance's jump takes him soaring through the sky, supernaturally gliding over trees and hills. EXT. THE TOWN OF VAUXHULL -- EVENING A backdrop of rolling hills and familiar farmhouses. A WOODEN SIGN reading "WELCOME TO VAUXHULL" juts out of a tangled bush of grass and flowers. Romance crashes down into the shrubbery, causing a flurry of leaves and dust. He springs up, unharmed. His eyes drift towards the sign and he smiles. Home. INT. THE VENT MONGER'S PALACE -- EVENING The Vent Monger sits upon her throne, still cooing over her baby carriage. Her guard stands attentively behind her. The room is dark, lit only by one torch and the fleeting sunlight. Drift over to the shadows where Fat Daddy lurks, eyeing his wife, his child, and the guard. His eyes slowly pulse eerie red light as he CHANTS in an unknown tongue. He raises his right hand, a dagger clutched tightly within it. Red light begins to shine out of the baby carriage. The palace guard looks down at the child and raises an eyebrow. The Vent Monger's face goes blank in response to the glow. VENT MONGER Gumdrop? Back to the shadows, and Fat Daddy. FAT DADDY (sinister) Come on son, make your daddy proud. EXT. THE HEKULDAM MEADOWS -- NIGHT Romance trots along blissfully, eyes closed, a plucked flower in hand. He stops. Pretty Lady lays naked and startled before him with an UNKNOWN MAN. Romance grimaces. Lightning flashes. EXT. MOUNT PAAP -- NIGHT Rain pours from the sky. Romance furiously climbs up a steep incline, panting and huffing - covered in blood. Branches snap, mud slurps under the pressure of his heavy stomping. Thunder. FLASHBACK: EXT. THE HEKULDAM MEADOWS -- NIGHT A vague silhouette in the distance - it's Romance, hunched over Pretty Lady, choking her with the rope-like stem of the flower. She gags and tears at the makeshift cord as it tightens. Lightning. END FLASHBACK EXT. MOUNT PAPA'S PEAK -- NIGHT ROMANCE (CONT'D) (V.O.) (V.O.) Obble-Dee-Puh Puh, God of all Gods, you have tricked me, and made me do a terrible thing. Romance's foot crashes down and pulverizes a small flower. He continues his march uphill, reaching the summit where he and Pretty Lady had once copulated. INT. THE VENT MONGER'S PALACE -- NIGHT Lightning flickers outside. The Vent Monger's face hovers inches above the carriage, ensconced in the red glow. VENT MONGER My little poodle? Why are you looking at Mommy like this? The baby's hands shoot up and latch on to the mother's face. Fat Daddy's mysterious chanting grows louder and louder. TRIBAL DRUMS beat from an unknown source. VENT MONGER (CONT'D) (horrified) Baby, let go of-- The hands swiftly retract, pulling The Vent Monger's head into the carriage. She screams. The carriage shakes. SOUNDS OF AN ANIMAL - roaring and ripping flesh - emit from within. The Guard rushes towards The Vent Monger but stops abruptly. Fat Daddy clings to his back, his skinny arm holding the dagger to The Guard's right eyeball. His screams carry into.. EXT. MOUNT PAAP'S PEAK -- NIGHT ROMANCE (CONT'D) (V.O.) (V.O.) Hear me, Gods, you are all monsters... Romance glares at the crooked tree that stands before him, rain dribbling off of his chin. His arms swing forward to clutch the tree. He tenses, then rips it out of the ground with a cry. Lightning. Romance holds the tree above his head. ROMANCE (CONT'D And I-- INSERT: Shot of Pretty Lady's body slumped in the grasses. ROMANCE (CONT'D) Will-- INSERT: Shot of her lover's body laying just as still. ROMANCE (CONT'D) (CONT'D) Kill you! Romance hurls the uprooted tree from the mountain top. He pauses, his mouth burping out a raspy choke. He falls to his knees and cries, head in hands. A strong gust of wind ensnares his hat. It flutters away from Mount Paap's peak and lands upon the field below. The silhouette of Rumpelstiltskin dances by, plucks up the hat, and chuckles at Romance, seen far in the distance. RUMPELSTILTSKIN With only the right motivation! INT. THE VENT MONGER'S PALACE -- NIGHT Rumpelstiltskin's LAUGH echoes in the distance. A bloodied dagger lays neatly on a white cloth. Bits of gore pile next to the knife like pumpkin guts. A brain, an eye, a needle and thread... then the guards body, sitting propped up against the throne. Reveal his face, completely cut off - his head hollowed out. Fat Daddy's hands enter the shot, holding the baby in front of the hollowed out head. The babies eyes are large and terrified. Slowly the hands bring the baby closer to the empty skull. Closer, closer. We drift away before the child enters the head, floating up towards a window and then outside of the palace. Further and further until we reach... EXT. THE MOON -- NIGHT Pjorrc stands in the mouth of the Jack O'Lantern, gazing out in unblinking thought. The moon dissolves into... EXT. MOUNT PAAP'S PEAK -- MORNING The Sun. Day. The familiar shape of Mount Paap arches up in the distance. A blood red spec sits where the crooked tree once grew. PATIENCE I hope you saw all that, you bastard. Closer. It's a man. Closer. Patience, wearing a red hat. Closer. He's on his knees talking to himself. PATIENCE (CONT'D) The catapults are loaded and one by one they are going off flinging who knows what at what knows who, for what? I don't know. But I do know this. He's gonna lynch you, old man. He turns to walk away, stops, and looks up into the sky. PATIENCE (CONT'D) And I'm gonna show him how. EXT. VAUXHULL TOWN CENTER -- DAY Clusters of shops with stone walls and hay roofs. Citizens bustle in and out of them like bees. The look of an Elizabethan marketplace - blacksmiths, fruit and wine vendors, cobblers and clock makers. Farm animals, children playing, townspeople of all classes and caliber. THE APPLE MAN, a fat fellow with a hideous mustache stands in the middle of the town marketplace in front of a LARGE STONE STATUE of The Vent Monger. THREE YOUNG CHILDREN sit attentively in front of him. A cute bluebird perches on his shoulder. APPLE MAN Now, it is said that way back when the earth was still a tot, the Hallowed Host lived in perfect harmony with Man and Womankind. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. FIELDS -- DAY Luxurious landscapes - raw, untamed. Succulent fruit erupts from tree branches. Wild cornstalks dance in the breeze. The colors of autumn encompass all. The gods Po and Pjorrc sit in a circle with PIK, the God of Hate. His naked skin is burned and black. It stretches over the god's skeleton thin frame, lurching tightly over a belly bloated and swollen from starvation. From the top of his head emerges a thick horn that curls inward in sharp, squared angles, forming a spiral. His mouth houses an array of saw-like teeth. A set of soft doe eyes stare out in juxtaposition to his sinister physicality. The gods are huge - larger than life, making their natural surroundings appear as miniatures in comparison. Po smiles and raises her open hand to her face, palm up. She is not wearing her white mask. Her pink face gazes down at a tiny man and woman engaging in intercourse upon the hand. The Goddess nods in approval. Next to Po, Pik gazes excitedly at his own palm. CLINK! CLANK! Two men duck and parry over his blackened hand, sword fighting. Pik giggles at their tiny battle. Pjorrc is much younger and innocent in appearance. His nose is real, not held on by strings. Following the motif, Pjorrc, too, has a man kneeling on his palm, praying. The man meets Pjorrc's gaze and screams. His flesh rapidly begins to age. Within an instance he disappears into dust and drifts away in the wind. Pjorrc, horrified, chases after the fleeting ashes. He spots a farmer riding a horse and snatches them up. Their mouths burst out bellows of terror as their flesh ages into dirt. Pjorrc cries. A hand comes down on his shoulder. It belongs to Po. She smiles and comforts him. EXT. VAUXHULL TOWN CENTER -- DAY The three children look up at the fat storyteller, captivated. THE APPLE MAN Time was too powerful for his own good. He changed everything. And, mostly, not for the better. EXT. A PUMPKIN PATCH -- DAY THE APPLE MAN (V.O.) (V.O.) So Obble Dee Puh Puh, in all his might, plucked a giant pumpkin from Po's patch and tossed it into the air. In this lantern Pjorrc was cast. Rows and rows of bulbous pumpkins, ripe for picking. A giant forearm reaches down and snatches up a pumpkin, hurling it into the air. Follow the pumpkin as it soars, coming to a stop in outer space. A Jack O'Lantern face dissolves onto the gourd, followed by Pjorrc, standing in the doorway, watching. EXT. VAUXHULL TOWN CENTER -- DAY The Apple Man gestures broadly, eyes closed, lost in his own storytelling. APPLE MAN And, since then, we have had a grand moon to watch over our nights! PATIENCE (O.S.) (O.S.) Horse shit. Surprised, The Apple Man opens his eyes and looks down. Patience sits amongst the other three kids, all eyeing him with shock. PATIENCE (CONT'D) Where do you people get this claptrappery? APPLE MAN Pah! What makes you the expert? PATIENCE You left out the bloody details, and bloody details are always the most important ones. No one controls Time. The instance it's brought into existence it controls you. If he lives on the moon, it's because he wants to be there. As the adults argue, the children scamper off. MEANWHILE, a crowd begins to coalesce and chirp to life at the Vent Monger's statue behind the two men. APPLE MAN Oh really? And why would he want to be way up there? PATIENCE If I were to guess, I'd say he's embarrassed. APPLE MAN Hah! Of what? PATIENCE That is a good question, now, isn't it. Focus in on The Vent Monger's statue. Fat Daddy stands on top of a stool in front. The crowd hushes. FAT DADDY Ladies and gents, it is I, Fat Daddy, and I come before you with most terrible news! The Vent Monger is dead! Your queen! My wife! She died! The crowd gasps and murmurs. Various individuals voice their thoughts. BUTCHER Who killed our queen? BAKER A murderer! Who was it? CANDLESTICK MAKER Who will rule us now?! FAT DADDY While this murderer is loose we're all in danger, but do not be afraid! Before her death we gave birth to a son - an heir to the throne! CROWD A son? How can he protect us? He's too young! Far too young! FAT DADDY Oh no! You're wrong! Look at him, all grown! Fat Daddy gestures to his right. Move over to show THE SON, standing alone next to the statue. Familiar terrified eyes, belonging to the young baby, stare out from an adult's body. The body belongs to the palace guard, though the head is a combination of the guard's face and that of the baby's. The guard's mouth and nose are intact, though the area around the eyes belong to the pale newborn. Crude stitches lace the baby's flesh to the guard's. The mouth is frozen, lifeless, in a hideous grin. The body lurches and the muscular left arm raises and waves to the crowd. It moves like a zombie. The crowd gasps, some in horror. BUTCHER How did he grow so big? BAKER He shouldn't be so big! CANDLESTICK MAKER I smell a trick! FAT DADDY I, his daddy, fed him his veggies, which made his muscles big and his bones strong! A perfect king! EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF VAUXHULL TOWN CENTER -- DAY A dead female face. Eyes open, mouth stretched out in terror. Caked blood flakes from small puncture wounds that encircle the corpse's throat. Pretty Lady hangs lifeless by a rope from the largest branch of an ornately carved ash tree. Romance stands before her wearing a jacket and backpack. Similar trees surround Pretty Lady, each with it's own corpse. A graveyard. Fat Daddy's ruckus is heard in the distance. PATIENCE (O.S.) (O.S.) I'll never get you people. Hanging your dead like ornaments. Patience stands a yard or two behind Romance. PATIENCE (CONT'D) Weirdos. ROMANCE You'd prefer them buried? Unseen? Unremembered? PATIENCE That does sound a wee bit healthier. There's a god of memory. There should be a god of forgetfulness, too. ROMANCE When you control the world you can make your own gods. Romance brushes past Patience. PATIENCE Halt! Hey! Come back. We need to talk. Romance ignores him and continues walking. PATIENCE (CONT'D) Bastard. EXT. VAUXHULL TOWN CENTER -- DAY An energetic buzz in the air. The citizens topple the old statue of The Vent Monger. It crumbles as it hits the earth. The crowd excitedly passes The Son over their heads and onto the now vacant stone platform. Romance enters, chomping on an apple. Patience huffs and puffs trying to keep up. PATIENCE Where are you going? ROMANCE I have business with Love. PATIENCE You're missing the festivities. ROMANCE I don't care. The two continue striding through the center. PATIENCE This is mighty important, giggles. Do you know who that man is? Close in on Fat Daddy's toothy grin. He sits upon The Son's shoulders. The crowd cheers GOD LOVE OUR KING repetitively. Back to Romance and Patience. PATIENCE (CONT'D) He's bad news - a shaman, and a damn evil one. Knocked your queen up, made a baby. ROMANCE I know. I don't care. PATIENCE Well, I think he's just grabbed your town by the balls. CROWD (louder) GOD LOVE OUR KING! ROMANCE (annoyed) I don't care. Romance exits offscreen. PATIENCE Cute. Listen. I need to talk to you about that speech you gave last nig-- SMACK. Romance's apple flies at Patience from offscreen, knocking the small man down. Patience sits up and rubs his nose. PATIENCE (CONT'D) Perhaps I deserved that. We drift away from Patience and Romance towards the crowd and Fat Daddy. FAT DADDY Then it is settled! My son! CROWD Praise his son! Praise his only son! FAT DADDY He will protect your bodies and save your souls! Together we shall traverse from town to town to hunt the murderers who killed your queen! CROWD It could happen again! Please! Save us! FAT DADDY Oh brothers, I will. EXT. A FOREST -- DAY Autumn trees pass by as Romance struts forth, determined. A crisp wind blows through his hair. He shivers, but smiles. A man is burning leaves in the distance. Romance inhales deeply. ROMANCE Mmmm... burning leaves. PATIENCE (O.S.) (O.S.) Look, you don't have to like it... Patience catches up, Romance frowns. PATIENCE (CONT'D) But we're in this bitch together, and neither one of us is pulling out until she barks. ROMANCE Stop following me. PATIENCE I don't like group-dah-loops either. Weird salsa. But sometimes being alive means having to pick up things you'd rather put down. Romance stops abruptly, glaring viciously down at Patience. ROMANCE No, you don't. And no, I don't. He stomps off, leaving Patience alone. PATIENCE You obviously aren't picking up what I'm putting down. EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF VAUXHULL TOWN CENTER -- EVENING A first person POV looking through a bush at Pretty Lady's body, swaying in the autumn breeze. BESTIAL GRUNTS as we start moving rapidly through the brush, running towards the body. We stop inches from her face. Her eyes open. A ghostly, semitranslucent, milky figure hovers in front of the awakened corpse. The two stare deeply at each other. His eyes are hollow, empty black chasms. The rest of his face is featureless, smudged downwards. His skin appears to be melting off of his head, hanging down from his chin like strands of dripping cheese. This is MEMORY. Something wicked screams in the distance. EXT. WOODSY CAMPGROUNDS -- NIGHT Small clusters of homeless families huddle together around scattered campfires. Romance sits alone, holding Rumpelstiltskin's spindle in his hand. He gazes dreamily into the golden apple fixated at the tip. PATIENCE (O.S.) (O.S.) (muffled) Your hair smells like rotten sausages. Surprised, Romance turns his head from side to side. No one. Patience's head pops out of his hat. Romance yelps. Patience jumps out of hiding, his body grows as he exits the tiny hat. Romance looks at him, dumbfounded. PATIENCE (CONT'D) I liked your other hat better. What happened to it? ROMANCE Uh, hum, I lost it. Romance eyes Patience suspiciously. Kids run around the campsite. PATIENCE Here's hoping that's all you'll lose. So. Camping, huh? Nice place. I like the homeless. They make sense. Romance stares blankly. Awkward pause. PATIENCE (CONT'D) Yeah. Okay. So. What's your problem with the gods? ROMANCE Nothing. Romance picks up a skewer and plunges it into a giant carrot, physically changing the subject. PATIENCE Hah! You dumb bastard. Seriously. You wanna stick it to em. Chop their heads off. I know it. I heard you. We all heard you. But - why all of them? Why not just Po? ROMANCE They're all monsters! They treat us like children. Make us do whatever they want us to do. I hate that. PATIENCE Hate's a strong word. So is uterus. And I wouldn't recommend pummeling into either without the appropriate protection. ROMANCE Ew. Are you drunk? Patience scratches his head. PATIENCE I can't remember. Look, how can I explain this to you? Romance roasts the carrot over the fire. ROMANCE You don't have to. PATIENCE Hurm, okay. Look at that child over there. Patience motions to a BROWN HAIRED BOY nearby, sitting cross legged and plucking out strands of grass. PATIENCE (CONT'D) He's pulling up the grass. Not thinking. Chewing on some, flinging some blades away. No plan, no manipulation. Just a kid, and some grass. Romance listens curiously, munching on his carrot dinner. PATIENCE (CONT'D) Well... that's how it is with Gods, and humans. Hate... Pan over to a middle aged HOMELESS COUPLE, sitting by the fire arguing. PATIENCE (O.S.) (O.S.) (CONT'D) Love... Continue moving. TWO CHILDREN sit next to each other, male and female. The young boy shyly plants a kiss on the female's face. They both giggle. PATIENCE (O.S.) (O.S.) (CONT'D) Even that bugger Time. Move to an OLD, WITHERED MAN, playing a rickety flute. The music dances like fire. Finally pan back to Romance/Patience. PATIENCE (CONT'D) They will caress you and fondle you with the twitter and belch of the universe. Nothing premeditated. Sometimes you will be destroyed. Sometimes forgotten. Sometimes never touched. But sometimes, sometimes those intrinsical truths will shape you into something you could never have been alone. Patience motions over to the Brown Haired Boy. The kid looks down at his lap, tongue bit in concentration. His face brightens and he raises a small crown made out of woven grass blades. He walks over to the child couple previously shown kissing and giggling, and places the crown on the girls head. She jumps up and smooches the obvious alpha male. ROMANCE But plants aren't real. They don't have souls. PATIENCE Try telling them that. ROMANCE Why are you following me? PATIENCE I want to help. ROMANCE Why? PATIENCE My life suffers from a dire lack of moping teenager. Romance scowls. PATIENCE (CONT'D) I know Po's weakness. And I know how you can get to her faster. ROMANCE How? PATIENCE How capable are those hands? Romance grins. EXT. HATE'S LAND -- NIGHT Enormous black scissors plunge into dry, caked earth. The ground cracks from the force. A red sky - hot and menacing. Scrawny, burnt pine trees dot the barren landscape. A lone figure - Pjorrc, stands in a clearing, looking into a small straw hut. The giant scissors, which are almost his height, stick in the dirt by his side. Everything is silhouetted against the molten red sky. PJORRC Here. I don't need these anymore. You will. A beat. No answer from the hut. PJORRC (CONT'D) I'm sure you know he'll be coming for you. I'm building a weapon of sorts. I suggest you do the same. Your scissors might just not... cut it. A gravely snarl spits forth from the hut. The whole landscape vibrates and Pjorrc flies head over heel, toppling over a steep drop off. He lands with a sharp THWAK. He sits up, shakes his head, and goes cross eyed in terror. His nose is missing. PJORRC (CONT'D) My nose! My nose! He sees his missing appendage floating in a small puddle of water. He hastily swipes it up and reties it back onto his head. He leans back, breathing a sigh of relief. After a pause, he looks back behind his shoulder. PJORRC (CONT'D) Poor thing. He still thinks all of this is his fault. EXT. WOODSY CAMPGROUNDS -- DAY An ax stuck in a tree stump, resting. Move on and reveal a giant wooden catapult of familiar design. Felled trees litter the campsite, stumps speckle the landscape - evidence of the machine's construction. Romance nervously rests in the catapults cup. Patience stands below, his hand on the gigantic lever. ROMANCE Is this safe? PATIENCE What do you think? ROMANCE I think you might still be sore over the apple I threw at you. PATIENCE Well, I hope that I am thinking that you think wrong for thinking that I think I'm angry for the thinking. I mean throwing. For your sake. I think. Patience gestures to pull the trigger. ROMANCE Wait! You said you knew of Po's weakness...? PATIENCE Oh. Balls. Right. Tell her to take off her mask. But here's the kicker - be sure to bring the mask back, you must bring that stinker with you, after the kill. ROMANCE And she'll just take it off? CREEEK, SHWOOOOMP! Patience triggers the catapult. Romance is air born. PATIENCE She will. If she doesn't rip your face off first. INT. PO'S KITCHEN -- DAY Po hunches over her cutting board, chopping away, cooking up a storm. She sings a melody to herself, quietly. SHUFFLE SHUFFLE. Something stirs in the corner. She tenses, listening. She hums again, pretending to not notice. PO OH I KNEW A YOUNG BOY, WITH A BODY SO FINE. EXT. PO'S CAVE -- DAY Romance's POV shot - a rapid zoom in towards the mouth of Po's cave. Coming in closer, closer, closer. INT. PO'S KITCHEN -- DAY SHUFFLE SHUFF - Another stir. PO AND I DREW UP A PLAN TO MAKE THAT BOY MINE. Po slowly picks up a large stew pot from her shelf, her back towards the mysterious shuffling. She pretends to go on with her work. PO (CONT'D) I LOOKED INTO THE FUTURE, TO SEE HOW MY PLAN WOULD UNFURL. A black, blurred flash, too quick to interpret, jumps at Po. She spins around and the black blur lands straight into her pot. She clamps the lid town tight. CHIN, THUMP, the creature tries to escape, but Po has a firm grip on the lid. PO (CONT'D) BUT ALL I COULD SEE WAS THE END OF THE WORLD. She moves over to a door in her kitchen. She opens it, revealing a dark staircase, and tosses the pot down the steps. CLANK CLUNK. EXT. PO'S CAVE -- DAY POV shot - soaring closer to the mouth of the cave. INT. PO'S KITCHEN -- DAY PO And tell your wife I said thanks for the prophecy. Things are proceeding jus- SHWACK - Romance flies into Po. The two topple and roll. The inertia runs out and they come to a rest, Romance on top of Po, missionary position. PO (CONT'D) Oh my! I wasn't expecting you for another nine months. ROMANCE (panting) You were... expecting me? PO I know a few fortune tellers and the like. So, sweets, you ready to break a sweat? Her hand grips his buttocks. ROMANCE Oh lordy. Romance jumps to get off of her. Still a little winded from his flight, he dusts himself off. Po rises, slowly and seductively. PO What's the matter, skinny? SHINK, her knife like fingers snip a hidden string on the back of her dress. Her clothes instantly slide off her body. PO (CONT'D) Not old enough? ROMANCE No! I mean. What?! I mean. I came here because I made a mistake. Romance bashfully looks away from Po's nakedness. PO Because things didn't work out with your Pretty Lady. Killer is on the rebound, huh? How masculine. Romance stutters and gulps. ROMANCE No! I came here because - because, I think I love you. Not her. You. PO Think? Think you love? Since when does thinkin' and lovin' have any damn thing to do with each other? ROMANCE I mean it! Po laughs and oozes back into her dress. ROMANCE (CONT'D) Why are you laughing?! PO Did you come here to seduce me? ROMANCE No! I came here because... I love you! He sounds determined... in a whining way. PO Oh, how convincing! Sugar, you are tops! Now if we ain't gonna make with the spankin' and spurtin', kindly leave. Po turns her attention to the stove and her cooking. ROMANCE It's true! Uhm, take off your mask. Po's back goes rigid. She spins around and stomps up to Romance, imposing on him. PO Excuse me? ROMANCE I said... hum... take off your mask. Po smacks him with her claws. He falls back, tiny crimson claw marks on his face. PO Listen you little human thing. These mitts can create as much pain as they do pleasure. I suggest you jump back on off my mountain lest you experience the former. ROMANCE I could prove it to you. A beat. PO How? Romance stands. A confidence takes hold of him. He smiles. ROMANCE I'm good with my hands. Slowly PULL OUT. Romance and Po chat lightly with each other and the scene dissolves into... INT. THE MOON - TELEVISION ROOM -- NIGHT ... A strange porthole, through which the couple are visible, continuing their chatter. Continue to pull out revealing Pjorrc in an echoing, empty chamber. The front wall is a rounded hemisphere. Small portholes dart the curved wall, all black but one. The lit hole shows Romance's current conversation with Po. Pjorrc spies on them. Close in on Pjorrc, then close in on Po on the porthole/screen. She cradles a pumpkin in her hands, leaning some of the weight on her belly. A quick flash and Po is replaced by an earlier version of herself, holding a pregnant belly instead of a pumpkin. She is not wearing her mask. Flash. Po and the pumpkin. Flash. Po and the pregnant belly. Flash. Pumpkin. Flash. Belly. Faster and faster, until... FLASHBACK: INT. PO'S CAVE -- DAY Po clutches a bulbous, pregnant stomach in her arms, gently rubbing it. Pjorrc's head enters, pressing his ear against the belly. This is the old Pjorrc. He still has a real nose. PJORRC It sounds like a girl. He laughs and stands up straight. PO Ohh, is that so sweets? What exactly does a girl sound like? PJORRC A million pounds of trouble. Po stares dreamily down at her stomach. PO Hah! Only if she takes after her mother. Oh, lover, I was thinking about cooking pumpkin stew tonight would-- Po looks up and sees Pjorrc leaving the cave. PJORRC Oh. I'm not going to be in. PO Oh. PJORRC Yes. PO Okay. Pjorrc seems startled at his wife's complacency. PJORRC Don't you want to know why? PO No. It's fine. PJORRC (suspiciously) Are you sure? You don't? PO No, go ahead. I'll cook another night. Have fun with... everything! EXT. PO'S CAVE -- DAY Pjorrc shuffles along the outside ledge of Po's cave, muttering to himself. PJORRC She doesn't want to know? As Pjorrc walks his body changes form. His skin turns from blue to pink. His features become common, less alien and more human. A mustache sprouts from his upper lip and a shaggy mop of mustard hair excretes from his once bald scalp. He is recognizable in voice alone. PJORRC (CONT'D) That's so annoying. END FLASHBACK. INT. PO'S SITTING ROOM -- DAY Po stands behind Romance - his shoulders hunched, furiously working on some hidden article. PO When you wanted knitting needles, I thought you were being kinky. ROMANCE There. Done! Romance stands up and walks away. CLOSE IN on Po's face. PO Oh. Beautiful. A dress. ROMANCE (O.S.) (O.S.) It's not a dress. It's a tapestry. PO Oh. Even more... superfluous. Romance walks back. ROMANCE No. You don't understand. Look at it. The two gaze together at Po's living room wall. The tapestry hangs neatly above her couch. PO You know those girls, the ones you gotta buy stuff for, take em to dinner to get their legs spread? EXT. THE MOON - TELEVISION ROOM -- DAY Pjorrc watches on the porthole. He shudders. INT. PO'S SITTING ROOM -- DAY ROMANCE Uh. Yeah. I guess so? PO Well, I'm not one of em. ROMANCE No, you don't understand! I'm a spinner. In my village, we're sort of like the storytellers. The historians. We narrate stories into our tapestries. PO So this is a story? ROMANCE Yeah. PO What's it about? ROMANCE Romance. PO Hah! ROMANCE To tell someone a story... it's an honor. This is the most profound gift I could think to give you. Something I made. Something from my hands. Romance looks away, sheepishly. PO Hey. Cutey. That's pretty sweet. Romance smiles. PO (CONT'D) Killer. I think I might be fallin' for you. Po takes off her mask, they look at each other. Romance smiles genuinely. Po blushes. The two embrace each other and kiss. They continue hugging - Romances eyes snap open. A sinister look - a quick, plotting grin. Their bodies drop to the floor, revealing the tapestry hanging on the wall behind them. SOUNDS OF SEX. CLOSE IN on the tapestry - various scenes with caveman like figures going about a multitude of actions. Closer on one section - showing a stick figure Pjorrc and Po, holding hands in front of millions of tiny, bowing humans. The stick figures dissolve into... FLASHBACK: EXT. A STONE TEMPLE -- DAY ...Real life figures. Pjorrc and Po stand together - a small baby wrapped in swaddling clothes in Po's arms. The old versions of the gods - younger and gorgeous. They stand atop of a giant stone staircase, leading into an open-air temple. Hundreds upon hundreds of humans gather around the temple, looking like insects amongst the giant gods. Some are praying, some are putting down flowers and gifts. Pik stands at the bottom of the steps, kneeling before the baby, head bowed. Tiny men pull a GIANT CRUCIFIX up the stairs. PJORRC Thank you Lord Pik. We kindly accept your blessing on behalf of our newborn. Pjorrc gestures to the crucifix, slowly creeping up the steps. A beat. Pjorrc looks around the surrounding hills and mountains. PJORRC (CONT'D) The people are evolving. Their needs are getting ever more complex. PO You'd think they'd be happy with what they already have. PJORRC Nonsense. Another beat. PJORRC (CONT'D) Look at how they gather... just to exalt our daughter's birth. They are most pleased with their new deity. Shots of people killing bulls, praying, etc. Po looks concerned. Jealous. PO (under her breath) They never once celebrated like this for us. PJORRC What should we name her? PO Hmm? Hate slowly strides away. He turns his head and talks in a throaty, nonsensical language. All underlined words are SUBTITLES for the fictional dialect some characters speak. PIK You will name her Love. For hers is the essence of divine love, over which she shall rule. PJORRC Love... yes! She will be the Goddess of Love! The crowd cheers. Po looks sullen, heartbroken. PO If she's Love, then what am I? ZOOM out from the scene, framing Pjorrc, Po, and the baby together. Dissolve into... END FLASHBACK. INT. PO'S CAVE -- AFTERNOON ...A portrait painting of the three, huddled together as in the flashback. The portrait hangs above Po's bed, on which she and Romance are copulating. Po has the time of her life. Romance stares curiously at the picture. Po notices. PO (gasping) He's not my husband anymore. Keep going! ROMANCE (to himself) A child...? Her arm swings back and haphazardly claws at the portrait. It falls beside the bed and cracks. EXT. PO'S CAVE -- AFTERNOON Romance's and Po's MOANS flow out of the cave. The sun goes down. EXT. PO'S CAVE -- NIGHT Night. More MOANS. They are still going at it. The leaves on a small tree outside her cave turn orange, showing the passage of time. MOANING. DISSOLVE TO: Snow falling outside of the cave. MOANING. DISSOLVE TO: The snow melting. Birds chirp. Spring. MORE MOANING. INT. PO'S CAVE - BEDROOM -- AFTERNOON CLOSE on the portrait of Po, Pjorrc, and Love. In the background Po and Romance continue to hump away. LOVE (O.S.) (O.S.) Mom? Where's dad? FLASHBACK: INT. PO'S CAVE - LIVING ROOM -- AFTERNOON A disheveled Po sits on a rocking chair carving a pumpkin. Her daughter, LOVE, stands across from her. Young, white skinned, blue lipped, gorgeous. LONER, a timid young man, stands at her side. Po stares at the pumpkin, not acknowledging her daughter. PO I don't know. I didn't ask. Who's the mutt? LOVE (distraught) This is Loner. You've met. PO Humans all looks the same. Naive. LOVE Well. We're getting married. PO Cute. LOVE Mom. Where is dad? SMLUSH, the pumpkin falls to the ground, smashed. Po stares sharply at Loner. PO You can do much better than her. END FLASHBACK. INT. PO'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT Po and Romance lay on a tacky, pink-checkered bed. Both are on their backs staring up at the ceiling - panting, exhausted. PO ...An entire year. I've never bumped lumps for that long, not never. Romance pants. He doesn't respond. Lost in thought. PO (CONT'D) Musta done this a lot. In your previous life. ROMANCE Only once before. PO Are you teasing? And you lasted a year? No response. PO (CONT'D) I said are you teasing me? Silence. PO (CONT'D) (annoyed) Once? I suppose it was with that dead, red-headed blower of yours? Romance jumps up. ROMANCE Excuse me? PO Well, that brought you back to me alright. ROMANCE No. What did you say? PO Nothing. Just mentioned the little choked chippie you snuffed. A beat. Romance's expression tightens. Controlled Anger. ROMANCE You lurid hag. Listen. Po's eyes widen. CUT TO: INT. THE MOON - TELEVISION ROOM -- NIGHT Pjorrc stares at the glowing porthole, face only inches from the glass. His head perks up at Romance's insult. INT. PO'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT PO Sweets, I was just playing! Romance sits upright. ROMANCE Goddess of Love? What we did wasn't love. You're the Goddess of Monsters. PO Who have you been talking to-- ROMANCE And you thought I loved you. Po gasps. She scurries to the opposite end of the bed. PO You're only angry. You've told me that you love me! ROMANCE I lied. PO Then why would you sleep with me? ROMANCE Because it's the nearest a monster like you can come to feeling love. Po scrambles, shuffling away from Romance until, THUD, she slams into the wall. Cornered. He approaches her. THUMP, THUMP, her echoing heart beat fills the bedroom. PO And why would you have me feel love? Close in on Po's face - terrified. Romance's head enters the shot, his brow twisted into an evil knot. Po gazes off screen and starts to pant and breathe faster. ROMANCE So you could feel this. Po screams. A WET, SQUISHY noise. Reveal Romance hunched over Po, his hand embedded in her chest. THUMP, THUMP, the echoing heart beat continues. Po chokes, gags, and burps up a small splash of blood. THUMP, THUMP. Fainter. THUMP... THUMP....silence. Po is still. Romance pulls out his hand and shakes off the blood. He stares at the corpse. INT. THE MOON - TELEVISION ROOM -- NIGHT The porthole flickers, dims, and goes black. Pjorrc lowers his head and sighs. EXT. PO'S CAVE -- MORNING Romance carefully climbs down the steep ledge leading to the ground, away from Po's cave. He reaches the mountain floor, lets go of the cliff, and turns to walk away. Patience stands in his path. PATIENCE Well? ROMANCE She's dead. PATIENCE How'd you ax her? ROMANCE I broke her heart. PATIENCE Cute. What about the mask? ROMANCE I have it. PATIENCE Then we're done here. INSERT DREAM SEQUENCE EXT. A BARN -- NIGHT Establish a creepy, rustic barn straddling a mossy hill. INT. A BARN -- NIGHT Close on Romance's face. ROMANCE He'd like you, I'm sure. Pretty Lady rests her head on Romance's shoulder. The two sit together on the floor against a wall. A spinning wheel sits in the background. Back to Romance's face. ROMANCE (CONT'D) They're not home often. But when they are, if they have time, I want them to meet you. What about yours? What are yours like? Romance turns his head down to Pretty Lady and screams. Her skull dangles limply from a dead, rotting body. He panics. END DREAM SEQUENCE. EXT. THE IPHIGEAN FOREST -- NIGHT Romance slumbers, curled up in a sleeping bag by a dying fire. Next to him is his satchel, slumped half open on the ground. A SMALL, GREEN HAND reaches out of the shadows and into the satchel. It emerges from the bag holding the mask of Love. As the mask is lifted out of sight, Romance's eyes snap open, alarmed. He sits up violently and observes a small, shadowy dwarf like figure skipping off into the surrounding bushes. Romance leaps up in pursuit. After a brief chase he catches the critter who is, low and behold, Rumpelstiltskin. ROMANCE You! RUMPELSTILTSKIN Hee hee! You remember me! ROMANCE What are you doing here? RUMPELSTILTSKIN I was wondering the same about you, boy... tell me, how fares your love and the measure of your heart? And how fares that lovely young lass, your pretty lady? Where might she be?! The question catches Romance off guard. He steps back, nervously. ROMANCE (after a pause) This mask belongs to Patience. Romance turns and walks off towards his camp. RUMPELSTILTSKIN Uh-huh. I see. Methinks I heard a rumor that you were ridding this world if it's Gods. And yet here you are, looking out for one as if he was your friend. Romance halts. ROMANCE Patience isn't a god. RUMPELSTILTSKIN Isn't he now... ROMANCE He's my friend. RUMPELSTILTSKIN Perhaps the two aren't mutually exclusive! Romance turns, angry. ROMANCE No! RUMPELSTILTSKIN Or perhaps that is too morally ambiguous for you! Mayhaps you should ask Patience why he wants you to kill the gods. Why he wants you to kill his father! SCHWACK, Romance kicks the little dwarf. Rumpelstiltskin flies out of sight and Romance turns to head to camp. CUT TO Rumpelstiltskin, crash landing in a bush. RUMPELSTILTSKIN (CONT'D) Azarious has steered the child away from us. This will be problematic. And what of his interest in Love's mask? Back at the camp, Romance stuffs the mask back in his bag, and crawls back into his sleeping back. He eyes Patience with a look of suspicion, then retires into slumber. RUMPELSTILTSKIN (CONT'D) Ahhh well. My part in your plan is finished, I can direct him no further. The rest, my old friend, is up to you. Rumpelstiltskin looks back over his shoulder. Fat Daddy lurks behind him, grinning maniacally. CLINKING OF METAL echo from within. Sounds of construction. INT. THE MOON - PJORRC'S WORKSHOP -- NIGHT Strange clockwork mechanics engulf the room. Wrenches and other tools lay scattered across the floor. Pjorrc has goggles on, bent over a work table, fiddling with a strange mechanism. He puts two wires together, creating sparks. Something clatters behind him and he looks up. PJORRC She's dead. I saw it. Can you not leave me to finish my weapon in peace? Reveal a dozen or so Memories, lurching in and around his workshop. PJORRC (CONT'D) No. I suppose not. They hesitate, let out an attack cry, and swarm in. Pjorrc yelps as the white creatures engulf him. FLASHBACK: INT. PO'S CAVE - HALLWAY -- EVENING Pjorrc walks down the familiar hallway that leads into Po's living room. His face is scarred - he wears the fake nose. He looks curiously at a few BABIES that scamper and play in the hall. INTENSE MOANS OF PAIN echo down the corridor. INT. PO'S CAVE - BEDROOM -- EVENING The bedroom's ceiling - carved marble. A wrinkled, bloody, NEWBORN BABY rises into the shot. PJORRC (O.S.) (O.S.) Another child? Which number is this? Po lays on her back upon her bed, knees bent wide, panting. She holds the baby above her head, staring into it's face. She wears the white mask. Pjorrc stands beside the bed. PO (panting) Fifty. Po places the baby down. It hurriedly crawls off the side of the bed with a thunk. PO (CONT'D) The fiftieth bastard child since... since... PJORRC Me. Po starts crying. PO Oh, what am I doing? Pjorrc approaches and puts out a hand to comfort her. PO (CONT'D) Don't! What do you want? Why are you here? PJORRC I came to say I'm... A beat. Po looks up at him, somewhat surprised. PJORRC (CONT'D) I came to see our daughter. Po laughs. PO Ohhh, of course! You liar. When did you start caring about her? PJORRC Since you tore off her face and started wearing it as your own. This is having an... unfortunate... effect on the humans. PO As if they matter. PJORRC Of course they matter. PO I've yet to meet one that is worth the slime they are belched from. PJORRC They are more powerful than you give them credit for. PO They're a trend. Stupid little fleeting things. PJORRC Nothing is interminable. Not ev-- PO You came here to see me, Pjorrc. PJORRC ... I came here to see you. A pause. PJORRC (CONT'D) How are you? PO Fine. PJORRC How is Love? PO I don't know. I don't care. She's with her husband, so, fine, I'd suppose. They have their love. How's your son? PJORRC I... don't know. Either. We're not talking. PO I suppose that might explain your new look. Po taps her nose. PO (CONT'D) No wonder you can't smell your own bullshit. Pjorrc looks startled, somewhat embarrassed. PO (CONT'D) Love told me that prophecy. I know about you and Patience. Pjorrc doesn't respond. He sighs. PO (CONT'D) Why? PJORRC The prophecy? He thought-- PO No! Why did you do it? To me?? PJORRC ... You mean? PO Why?! A pause. PO (CONT'D) Why?! Pjorrc heads to the doorway. PO (CONT'D) You conceded bastard. You lunatic. Would he had chopped off more than your nose! Look at you! EXT. PO'S CAVE -- EVENING Pjorrc exits the cave. PO (O.S.) (O.S.) You look like a monster! A fake nose for a fake father! For a fake husband! PJORRC Fifty children. In fifty days. Let it not be said that The Goddess of Lust is parsimonious with revenge. END FLASHBACK INT. THE MOON - PJORRC'S WORKSHOP -- NIGHT Pjorrc huddles underneath a worktable, clutching himself, shivering. The Memories are gone. He is alone. EXT. THE IPHIGEAN FOREST -- DAY Romance and Patience trudge along in the brush. ROMANCE What about your children? PATIENCE I don't have kids. It's physically impossible. ROMANCE I meant all of your babies. PATIENCE Oh, those stinkers. They aren't mine. ROMANCE Uh. Do you know who they belong to at least? PATIENCE Not for certain. But I have a damn good idea. FLASHBACK: EXT. PO'S CAVE -- EVENING Po walks across the ledge outside of her cave, dragging a cloth piled high with babies. She plucks one up. Po drops the child. SWACK, her leg kicks forward, punting it off of the cliff. EXT. PATIENCE'S HOUSE -- EVENING The baby bounces off of the ground and ricochets into Patience's chimney. INT. PATIENCE'S HOUSE -- EVENING Patience sits at his kitchen table, eating from a giant bowl of soup. A baby flies out of his fire place and lands with a splash into his broth. Soup drips from his beard. PATIENCE Curious. He walks towards his fireplace and ducks his head inside. EXT. PATIENCE'S HOUSE -- EVENING BOINK. Another baby hits the ground and flies into the chimney. INT. PATIENCE'S HOUSE -- EVENING SMACK - a baby hits Patience straight in the head. He falls back. PATIENCE Poodle cock! He sits up, rubbing a sore spot on his head. He looks towards his chimney. PATIENCE (CONT'D) Uh-oh. Babies start spouting out of his fireplace in a huge wave. They completely overwhelm the tiny old man. END FLASHBACK EXT. THE IPHIGEAN FOREST -- DAY A small foot plunges deep into mud. It struggles, then pulls out of the goop, trailing behind strands of slime. Patience looks down at the mess on his boot and shudders. PATIENCE If we had gone after Time like I said, we'd be on the moon already writing our names in piss over his dead body while smoking huge cigars and getting comprehensive back massages from huge tittied strumpets. Romance turns around and glares at Patience. PATIENCE (CONT'D) Or average tittied strumpets. I don't care. I'm what you'd call an equal opportunity breast devotee. As long as they are a tad less fuzzier than mine, I'm in. Although, nothing is quite like a giant flopping set of-- ROMANCE No. Hate first. PATIENCE I'm telling you. Time's the big king bugger. Hate's really not that- ROMANCE No. Hate first. Romance stops, noticing that up ahead is the old site where he had once slaughtered the bull and encountered Rumpelstiltskin. Once more, a SHY YOUNG BOY stands before a dangling bull, nervously clutching a knife. A TRIO OF MALE ADULTS stand behind the boy, encouraging him to complete the sacrifice. PATIENCE Time's wrath is implacable. If he - hey, why have we stopped? Patience looks forward and notices the Shy Young Boy, the bull, and the adults. Romance approaches them. A tear rolls down the boy's cheek. The bull flails. The men cheer. The boy closes his eyes and pulls back the knife. Romance approaches, angry. PATIENCE (CONT'D) Huh. The Three Male Adults now hang from the tree, bruises covering their faces. The bull, liberated, stands happily next to the young child. The boy pats the animal's head and smiles up at the lanky, older fellow who saved him from the ritual. PATIENCE (CONT'D) How about that. INT. THE VAUXHULL TOWN CENTER -- AFTERNOON INSERT: BOOK COVER - "THE POETIC END" FAT DADDY (V.O.) (V.O.) I say, my lovelies, I say! PULL OUT, Fat Daddy stands upon a podium in the middle of The Vauxhull Town Center, preaching out to the townsfolk. The center appears darker than before. Gritty, the buildings gothic in style. He has a copy of The Poetic End in his hand. FAT DADDY (CONT'D) My son has come back from war, oh my! He has the murderers on the run! The Son leads a procession of soldiers into the center square. A chain of bound prisoners slink behind them, wagons filled with treasure chests follow. FAT DADDY (CONT'D) These heathens! They don't believe! They don't believe the power of the Tridipidians or our Poetic End! CLOSE IN on a little girl prisoner, ragged and dirty. A rotten orange belts her in the face. Show townsfolk, booing and tormenting the prisoners as they walk by. BUTCHER Blasphemers. BAKER Pagans. CANDLESTICK MAKER Murderers! Back to Fat Daddy, smiling down from his podium at his prisoners. An ASSISTANT approaches. ASSISTANT Fat Daddy, I bring news. I delivered your letter to King Crookie of Marshallton. He has read it. FAT DADDY And? ASSISTANT He's scared, sir. FAT DADDY Beautiful. And what of the monster? Did you get me the creature from Po's cave? ASSISTANT Well, uh, no. We arrived and... the goddess Po was dead. Without her we couldn't find it. Fat Daddy grimaces at the assistant. ASSISTANT (CONT'D) But! We did you find you a Chomp, sir. The Assistant gestures to THE CHOMP, an enormous lizard like creature, tied tightly to a wagon. It struggles to move, guards pierce its hide with spears. It moans and stops struggling. FAT DADDY I need that mask. Or that monster. Go back to Po's cave and look everywhere. This Chomp will have to do, for now. Close on The Chomp's eye. It snarls and grunts. EXT. OUTSIDE THE MAIN GATES OF VAUXHULL -- DAY Romance and Patience approach the now-gothic city. ROMANCE This isn't right. PATIENCE Well, it's not left either. But no one's perfect. ROMANCE This was a farming town. Of stone and wood. Now it's... PATIENCE Made of thick solid iron. Like my gargantuan wazoo. Let's go in. I smell women. INT. THE LURCHING TURTLE -- NIGHT Ye Olde Pub atmosphere. Patience sits around a bunch of drunkards and women. PATIENCE (slightly slurred) Okay. Let me tell you a story. It's about Love. Now, some will tell you she's dead. But she's not, oh no. You guys always get it wrong... Patience gestures to Romance, sitting at the opposite end of the bar with six or so other women. PATIENCE (CONT'D) And me and that pretty fella over there are gonna find her and-- Patience pauses, staring offscreen. Pan over to show a FAT PROSTITUTE with enormous breasts winking over at him. Moles. Smeared lipstick. Missing teeth. Patience hops out of his chair, runs over to the woman and springs into her cleavage, his tiny body sticking out - head buried. Romance stares off into space, women cooing and fondling him. WOMAN # 1 So thin! WOMAN # 2 So young! WOMAN # 3 So... romantic. Tell me lover boy, what can I do for you tonight? WOMAN # 2 Or to you? Romance snaps out of his gaze. ROMANCE Uhm. Do you think, maybe you could rub my shoulders? A pause, the three women burst into laughter. Romance frowns. WOMAN # 1 Oh lighten up. The world ain't ending. A CRASHING from off screen. Fat Daddy stands in the doorway. FAT DADDY Drinking? Sexing? Smooching? In my town? Murderers, all! You shall all be spanked accordingly for this! The bar crowd screams in terror. People scatter An OLD BEGGER turns to and pleads. OLD BEGGER Do something, hero! I'd rather be dead than spanked! Romance stands and walks towards Fat Daddy. FAT DADDY Who are you? And why aren't you running? ROMANCE My name is-- PATIENCE (O.S.) (O.S.) His name is Romance. FAT DADDY Oh me oh my. What a pleasant surprise. Well hello Azarias. Patience approaches, stern and sober. PATIENCE Hello, Magog. Patience and Fat Daddy commence to talk in the same language spoken by Hate/Memory/Patience. FAT DADDY I suppose he is the lad I've been hearing rumors of? The mighty human man who will "put us in our places?" PATIENCE You aren't a prophet, oh shaman thing. It is an evil trick you are pulling on these people. FAT DADDY Me? I'm just setting the stakes. In fact, I'm doing exactly the same thing as your friend over there is. PATIENCE And that is? FAT DADDY Taking control of my own world. It's hardly my fault that so many others happen to live in it. PATIENCE How altruistic. You look like a giant ball sack, Magog. That doesn't mean you are obligated to act like one. FAT DADDY For a man who can see the future, you're awfully blind towards the fate of your own enterprises. I will kill you for crossing me, Azarious. PATIENCE You don't have the power yet. Patience brushes by Fat Daddy and exits the bar. Romance follows, stopping briefly to frown at Fat Daddy. They both size each other up. Romance leaves. EXT. THE LURCHING TURTLE -- NIGHT ROMANCE Why did you tell him my name was Romance? PATIENCE Names are important, munchkin. If he doesn't know yours, he won't be able to curse you. ROMANCE I don't think I like it here anymore. PATIENCE Well, Marshallton is only a wee bit away. It's close to Pik's hut and I'm old pals with the king there. I'm ready to go-- ROMANCE Patience... PATIENCE Yeah? ROMANCE How fast can you run? Fat Daddy stands atop his podium. Three royal guards pull out The Chomp, who snarls and struggles to get free. FAT DADDY Release him. The guards let go of their ropes, the monster roars and bounds towards them. EXT. THE IPHIGEAN FOREST -- NIGHT Romance and Patience crash through the forest. The Chomp gallops along in hot pursuit. PATIENCE Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit! Running. Romance spots a lake up ahead with a small sail boat. ROMANCE Think it can swim? PATIENCE Thinkin' we can sail to Marshallton? ROMANCE Thinkin' we have no choice. The monster's jaws enter the shot and come close to nipping Patience's heels. PATIENCE Balls! Run, kid! The boat is closer. Romance makes a giant leap. THUD, he lands and turns back to Patience. PATIENCE (CONT'D) Grab an oar! Grab an o-- CHOMP. The jaws come down on Patience. Eaten. Romance yelps in terror. The monster belches and roars. Hatred on Romances face. He eyes The Chomp. It stares back. Romance puts down an oar and jumps out of the boat and onto the dock. The Chomp snarls. Romance walks towards him, head down, eyes glowing with anger. The two stand feet apart. The Chomp lets out a huge roar, Romance's hair blows back, his body shakes - though he stands his ground. The Chomp rears back in anger, whinnies, then lets out another roar, this time mightier than before. Quicker than lightning - Romance shoots his arms out and grabs both sections of The Chomp's open jaw. The beast's eyes go wide. A pause. Romance twists his arms and the jaw snaps. The Chomp falls down, dead. Slowly, Romance crawls into the monster's mouth. A bulge as he crawls into it's belly, then back out. He holds a wet and gooey Patience in his arms. PATIENCE (CONT'D) What did you do? ROMANCE It ate you. So I killed it. PATIENCE How? ROMANCE I ripped its head open. PATIENCE Bloody heck, giggles. Who are you? ROMANCE Who are you? INT. KING CROOKIE'S PALACE -- DAY The palace room is warm and cozy - wooden walls, like a lodge. A giant ball of hair sits on a throne reading a note. He wears a puffy robe, a crown, and coke bottle glasses. This is KING CROOKIE. His elderly advisor, LUDWIG, nervously paces back and forth behind the throne. LUDWIG Is it bad? KING CROOKIE Sure is bad. Fat Daddy and all of Vauxhull have waged war upon us. LUDWIG What nonsense! Why?! KING CROOKIE Letter says it's cause we don't believe what they do now. Says only murderers believe in Pjorrc, Pik, and the bunch. Fat Daddy 'as em reading some crack pot manifesto called The Poetic End. King Crookie glances up from the note and gestures to a copy of the book sitting on his side table. KING CROOKIE (CONT'D) He's a good salesman. They're worshipping him and his son as gods. LUDWIG Would they leave us be if we followed their Poetic End? KING CROOKIE No! It's a trap. It don't matter that we believe in four gods or forty. It's that we believe in ourselves. He's giving humans definite answers, and now they've stopped raising questions. Something is brewin' in Vauxhull, something mean. Sure is I am king that Fat Daddy has his eye on something much bigger than our small town. SENTINEL #1 (O.S.) (O.S.) Sir! We just caught two Vauxhull spies boating through the Anglobilly. The armored SENTINEL enters. Ludwig and King Crookie look at each other. KING CROOKIE Hot damn! Bind em and bring em here! sentinel #1 Already done, sir! SENTINAL #2 enters, dragging Patience and Romance behind him. PATIENCE King Crookie. Tell these bubbleheads to stop copping my whats-its. KING CROOKIE Lord Patience... PATIENCE Tuh-Duh. KING CROOKIE It's okay Fran, they're alright. See that these folks are comfortable and fire up my pipe. INT. KING CROOKIE'S HOOKAH ROOM -- NIGHT Lavish throw pillows, exotic rugs, thick shag carpeting. Transparent silk curtains hang from the walls, separating a giant room into small, cozy nooks. A few harems casually enter and exit into the various partitions. King Crookie and Patience lounge lazily over the pillows, a gigantic ornate hookah in front of them. Greenish smoke hangs in the air. Romance flirts with a harem in the background. KING CROOKIE Me oh my oh me. Azarious Bergilmir Patience. It's been a freakin' while. PATIENCE Time flies. The two crack up. Stoned laughter. KING CROOKIE How's your...wound? PATIENCE Frustrating. Patience's hands constrict around a hookah pipe. Smoke bulges in the tube. PATIENCE (CONT'D) A million skirts in this world and not a damn thing I can do about it. Patience's grip loosens. A massive gust of smoke ejaculates from the pipe. KING CROOKIE That boyo. Crookie gestures towards Romance, who converses with a giggling harem. KING CROOKIE (CONT'D) Looks like he got the weight of the world on his shoulders. PATIENCE (nodding) Maybe he does. KING CROOKIE He really gonna kill Pik? PATIENCE Yes. KING CROOKIE That ain't right, man. Look at 'im. A flock of harems ensconce Romance, he seems disinterested. KING CROOKIE (V.O.) (V.O.) (CONT'D) He can't even grow himself a 'stache yet. Seems he can't even smile. PATIENCE He's already axed Po. He'll be fine. KING CROOKIE Yeah. And where are his parents in all this? PATIENCE I... don't know. KING CROOKIE Azarious, this ain't-- PATIENCE He's carrying Rumpelstiltskin's spindle. The Golden Apple. KING CROOKIE You're kidding me?! PATIENCE I wouldn't have brought him this far. But he's got it. KING CROOKIE Then the prophecy is true. PATIENCE They almost always-- ROMANCE (O.S.) (O.S.) What is a prophecy? Romance enters into the nook. KING CROOKIE Darnit, boyo, sit on down! Well. Let's say this. You ever hear a story, some sorta legend? And you know where it's goin' before it gets there? Ya know? You can figure it all out? PATIENCE A prophecy is a prediction made from a prophet. A prophet is someone who is good at looking at the world - the whole fucking grand schem-- KING CROOKIE Ay! Watch the cussin'! King Crookie points to Romance and scowls at Patience. KING CROOKIE (CONT'D) It ain't necessary. PATIENCE Right. Okay. Anyhow. We can look at the whole grand scheme of things, the epic story of the universe, and spit out an educated guess as to where it's going. Based on where it's been. ROMANCE Oh. KING CROOKIE There's only three prophets out there, at least ones that are worth their salt. And you're in the company of one. ROMANCE Who are the other two? KING CROOKIE Well-- PATIENCE One's the most loveliest person you'll ever meet. And the other's the most vicious bastard that'll ever shit in your shadow. I'm going to bed. Patience hops up and storms out of the room. KING CROOKIE Don't mind him, boss. Ol' Patience don't like talking 'bout family. ROMANCE He has a family? KING CROOKIE Ain't no one born that don't. ROMANCE Yeah. Uhm, hey. You're a king. So... you know about things? KING CROOKIE Hah! I'd like to think so. ROMANCE I mean about gods and things. KING CROOKIE Yeah, yeah, I read all the books'n so forth. I know the tales of The Hallowed Host. What's on your noggin'? ROMANCE You were talking about prophets... how they can predict where a story is heading before it gets there. KING CROOKIE Yeah. Yeah. Somethin' like that. ROMANCE Well. If this is a story, who is writing it? INT. KING CROOKIE'S PALACE - HALLWAY -- NIGHT Romance and Crookie walk down a hallway leading outside. KING CROOKIE He's got a lotta names. Yeah. Sure is every creature out there has a different name for him. Sure you know him as Puh-Puh. ROMANCE The God of All Gods. KING CROOKIE Yeah. Somethin' like that. ROMANCE What do you think would happen if he were to, uh... be killed? KING CROOKIE Well, I'd imagine the story would stop being told. ROMANCE The world would end? EXT. KING CROOKIE'S PALACE - FROZEN POND -- NIGHT King Crookie laces on ice skates, as does Romance. Around the frozen pond are a variety of snowman sculptures, reenacting famous battles in mythological history. KING CROOKIE End. Or change. I'd think some other storyteller would take his place. Crookie gracefully slides over the ice. Romance follows, awkward and clumsy on the slippery surface. ROMANCE Couldn't everyone do that? Everyone tell their own story? KING CROOKIE Now that would be somethin'. But it ain't gonna happen. Not for a long time, at least. ROMANCE Why not? I think it'd be good if ever-- KING CROOKIE Boss, I know a few things bout power. It's a big deal. And to put it mildly, not everyone is suited to be their own god. ROMANCE I think that's false. Crookie and Romance come to a halt before a giant Medusa-esque snowman. It's icy body roars down upon a smaller snowman - a knight, ducking behind a mirror raised outward in defense. KING CROOKIE Power can be a huge mirror. And looking at yourself, at your soul, at every aspect of what makes you you, well that's pretty terrifying. Self realization. Too much for some folks. If you got all the responsibility in the world, no one to answer to... when everything that's wrong with your soul is your fault - if you're miserable and you ain't got no one to blame... damn, now that's a huge mirror looking back at you. And it's saying you got something else wrong besides a bad haircut. Romance looks at himself in the snow-knight's mirror. KING CROOKIE (CONT'D) Kid, take care of yourself. Keep an eye on that half pint you keep around with you. ROMANCE Patience? He's great, he-- KING CROOKIE Yeah, I dig Azarious, too. But he might not have your best interests in mind. ROMANCE I trust him. KING CROOKIE Sure is you do. But sure is he might not have your best interests in mind. A beat. KING CROOKIE (CONT'D) Welp, I'm off to grab a snore. Patience tells me you're headin' out to find Hate tomorrow morn? Romance nods, still staring into the mirror. KING CROOKIE (CONT'D) He tell you how to find his place? ROMANCE Yeah. KING CROOKIE Good good. And remember kid. Watch out for yourself. Crookie skates away, then turns back. KING CROOKIE (CONT'D) This whole thing. It isn't your responsibility. ROMANCE Yes. Yes, it is. INT. KING CROOKIE'S PALACE - STAIRWELL -- NIGHT King Crookie walks up a stone staircase, singing softly to himself. KING CROOKIE OH, EVERYTHING IS CHANGIN', LIKE DEM PROPHETS SAID IT WOULD. BUT WHEN THE WORLD'S DONE CHANGIN', I HOPE THAT IT'S FOR-- King Crookie pauses and looks out a window onto the courtyard. He sees Romance, packed, and walking out of the building. KING CROOKIE (CONT'D) Kid's not waiting til morning. Kid's facing Hate on his own. Kid is in some deep dog sh-- LUDWIG (O.S.) (O.S.) King Crookie! Fat Daddy's men are attacking! The king looks down... Ludwig stands at the bottom of the staircase. LUDWIG (CONT'D) They've taken the lower folds! The Son is with him! King Crookie sighs and looks at the window at Romance. KING CROOKIE Power's a damn big mirror, boss. I hope you like what you see. EXT. KING CROOKIE'S PALACE -- NIGHT Romance walks into a woodsy area, leaving the town behind him. In his hand is the snow-knight's mirror. A souvenir, into which he mournfully gazes. PATIENCE (V.O.) (V.O.) The path to Hate is short and concise. He does not remain hidden, for there are very few who seek him intentionally. But do not be afraid. EXT. WOODS -- NIGHT Romance trudges through a balding forest. The trees are burnt. Thorny brambles snake along the ground. The sky bleeds red. PATIENCE (V.O.) (V.O.) The scissors of Hate are barbed and swift. He will snip a man like twine if it pleases him. I suggest you bring protection. Romance removes Love's mask and stares at it. He raises it to his face. SHLUCK, it sucks itself onto his head, molding to fit his features. PATIENCE (V.O.) (V.O.) (CONT'D) Follow the windswept path that winds through the Scorched Forest. When you get there, you'll know it. EXT. HATE'S LAND -- NIGHT Romance stops. A few yards ahead sits Pik, resting on a tree stump, carving a yam into a large bubbling pot of boiling oil. The two look at each other. SHINK, SPLASH, BUBBLE. Hate slices a piece of the yam into the pot. The two stare at the giant pair of scissors stuck in the dirt between them. CRUNCH, Romance takes a step. SHINK, SPLASH, BUBBLE. Yam into the pot. CRUNCH. Another step. SHINK, SPLASH, BUBBLE. They stare. Romance draws closer to the giant scissors. He reaches out a hand to grab them... Pik snaps into action. He flips off of the stump and tears his scissors out of the ground. SHINK. SNIP. Romance screams. THUD. A bloody hand drops to the ground. He stumbles, but maintains his ground - holding the squirting stump that is his left arm. Pik is rigid, arms outstretched - tensely holding his scissors. His eyes lock on Romance. PIK I am Hate. It is of my nature to hate all that I see. It is of my nature to kill all that I hate. I now own your hand. Leave. Or I will take more. SHWACK. Romance kicks the scissors out of Pik's hands. Pik snarls and dives at his opponent. The two dexterously wrestle. They fight. And fight. ...and fight. BLACK. INSERT TITLE: NINE YEARS PASS The two adversaries stand opposite each other, panting, exhausted. Cobwebs and leaves hang from Romance's slimmer-than-ever body. Slowly, Pik lurches forward to attack Romance. He succeeds only in nudging him, causing the weakened hero to fall over - spilling the contents of his backpack. Something catches Romance's eye. The snow-knight's mirror. Pik grabs a flaming log from underneath his cauldron and raises it high. He marches towards Romance but stops abruptly. Romance's good arm stretches forward, holding the mirror. Pik's eyes meet it. He drops the log. Romance steps forward. Pik steps backwards, eyes frozen in the mirror. Step forward. Step backward. They continue until they reach the bubbling cauldron. SWACK - Romance punts the boiling pot of oil. Sizzle. Screaming. Pik falls to the ground, wriggling, drenched in the cauldrons boiling contents. His skin bubbles and melts off of his skeleton. Romance is deeply perturbed by this graphic death. He turns his head but cannot escape the sound of Pik's crying. EXT. WOODS -- AFTERNOON Romance stumbles through the woods, panting. He is disoriented and barely able to walk. PATIENCE (O.S.) (O.S.) Deja vu. Romance looks forward and sees Patience. He slides the mask off of his face onto the top of his head, revealing matted facial hair. PATIENCE (CONT'D) You're all grown up. Romance collapses on the ground. ROMANCE I feel so old. PATIENCE Hate ages. Always. ROMANCE What's happened? How long was I up there? Everything feels different. PATIENCE Everything is different. You've been fighting Hate for nine years, and now, a new thing lurches. Man has forgotten his fundamental divinity, all the while cowering from his carnality like a broken dog - beaten and humiliated. Afraid of his sex and afraid of his soul. EXT. A BATTLEFIELD -- NIGHT Phalanxes of armed men march in uniform towards Marshallton. The Son sits upon a Chomp, riding it like a horse at the head of the army. PATIENCE (O.S.) (CONT'D) War came. Faith came. And in an instant, every damn beautiful thing up and burped itself into worthlessness. Numbness. Fat Daddy sits on a throne atop a wagon pulled by the lower flanks of the regiment. He grins, dressed in a ceremonial Pope-like outfit, stroking a copy of The Poetic End. EXT. THE VAUXHULL TOWN CENTER -- AFTERNOON The same town center, only darker and worn down. The small stores are vacant. A couple shady characters speckle the marketplace. PATIENCE (O.S.) (CONT'D) The streets are filled with piss-freaks, pirates, weirdos and scallywags. A SPOOKY MAN walks down the street reading The Poetic End. He looks from side to side and removes a small bottle of alcohol hidden in a hollowed out portion of the book. He takes a swig. INT. CHURCH -- AFTERNOON The congregation kneels, praying. Fat Daddy's Assistant, dressed in ceremonial robes, delivers a sermon. His arms flail in grand Hell-And-Brimstone gestures. PATIENCE (O.S.) (CONT'D) Everyone is sad and no one knows why. ASSISTANT Do as we say and you'll be okay! Think as we do or it's curtains for you! INT. FAT DADDY'S PALACE - THRONE ROOM -- EVENING PATIENCE (O.S.) (CONT'D) They buy... A POOR BOY places a pile of gold coins on a table before a grinning Fat Daddy. The Son hands the boy a tiny lump of moldy bread. EXT. THE IPHIGEAN FOREST -- DAY PATIENCE (O.S.) (CONT'D) ...Build... SHWACK. An ax bites into blue tree bark. TWO WOODSMEN chop down the tree from which Romance had hung the sacrificial bull. The bull's blood still stains the ground. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. THE IPHIGEAN FOREST -- DAY A new church sits where the sacrificial tree once stood. INT. A COUPLE'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT PATIENCE (O.S.) (CONT'D) ...Breed, and feel guilty. A HUSBAND and WIFE lay underneath the covers on separate sides of a king-sized bed. They eye each other cautiously, then turn their gaze to a copy of The Poetic End sitting on their nightstand. EXT. WOODS -- NIGHT PATIENCE The world has been perverted, and all the magic is gone. Welcome home, ugly. ROMANCE Marshallton? PATIENCE Leveled. EXT. A BATTLEFIELD -- AFTERNOON King Crookie marches forward, a grim look on his face. PATIENCE (O.S.)(CONT'D) While you were hating, Fat Daddy and his no good son were killing. Bodies of Marshallton soldiers litter the war-torn battlefield. The Son and A FEW GUARDS stand by Crookie's side. King Crookie glances upwards towards... Gallows. PATIENCE (O.S.) (CONT'D) They're much more powerful now. Fat Daddy finishes tying a noose at the top of the gallows. He smiles down at King Crookie. EXT. WOODS -- NIGHT PATIENCE Interminable. Romance gazes down upon his left stump. Tears well in his eyes. He weeps. PATIENCE (CONT'D) It's... okay. You're going to be alright. APPLE MAN (O.S.) (O.S.) Do you lovers need any help? The Apple Man sits in the passenger seat of a large wagon. Timeworn, the years have taken away much of his glow. His bird rests on his shoulder. He pats it on the head. PATIENCE I remember you... APPLE MAN Well, I sure as shite don't remember you. Folks need a ride? PATIENCE Uh, yeah... The Labidian Mountain range. Know it? APPLE MAN Aye, where Po used to live? All you'll find there are dead legends and forgotten ghosts. Patience helps Romance up and over to the wagon. PATIENCE We've got business with those ghosts. APPLE MAN Well, whatever plows your field. Hop in! Oh... I hope you don't mind bulls. CREEEEK. The back of the wagon opens. ANIMAL GRUNTS spill out from its interior. INT. THE APPLE MAN'S WAGON -- DAY PATIENCE Something smells. I think it's you. Romance stares past Patience, thinking. They are packed like sardines against a dozen or so bulls. PATIENCE (CONT'D) Looks like the bastard got you with his nail clippers before he bit it. Patience nods towards Romance's wounded stump. ROMANCE Nine years... nine years... PATIENCE Don't dwell. Guy had it coming. Trust me. ROMANCE How do you know that? Patience leans back and slides his hat over his eyes. PATIENCE Cause. I know what he saw in the mirror. FLASHBACK: EXT. HATE'S LAND -- AFTERNOON Po kneels before Pik, who sits on his stump, cooking yams. PO I need something from you. Pik snarls. PO (CONT'D) I'll do anything. Po raises her hand and touches his crotch. Pik shoves her away and she flies backwards into a tree. PO (CONT'D) There's something about us Gods that don't allow for forgiveness easily. There's a god of memory. There should be a god of forgetfulness, too. Pik puts his head down and sighs. Po slowly approaches. PO (CONT'D) I'm sorry sugar... She gently caresses his head, raising his chin up until their gazes meet. PO (CONT'D) I love those eyes of yours, but I just can't get past those teeth. Pik. I need to know where my husband is. Will you tell me? Pik sighs, then nods. He points into the distance. PO (CONT'D) ...You know, that's not all I'll need. Pik shudders away. PO (CONT'D) Please. You need to give it to me. When I see him, I'll need you. Inside of me. I'll need to... hate. PIK It is not natural. PO It's what I want. Will you grant me your function? Pik sighs and nods. EXT. A SMALL COTTAGE -- AFTERNOON A familiar male human - the figure that Pjorrc had earlier transformed into, sits in front of a pregnant human woman. His head presses against her belly. PJORRC It sounds like a boy. PREGNANT WOMAN Oh is that so. And what does a boy sound like? PJORRC A million pounds of power! PREGNANT WOMAN Hah! Only if he takes after his father! The two laugh and kiss. PJORRC A male heir... a lineage. PREGANT WOMAN Don't count your babies before they're birthed! It could still be a girl! PJORRC No, no. It's going to be a boy. Pjorrc smiles. CRACK. The front door swings open. Enter Po. PO (whispering) I... hate you. END FLASHBACK. INT. THE APPLE MAN'S WAGON -- AFTERNOON PATIENCE Po didn't deal well. Went cracked. Slept with fifty men over fifty days. For revenge. For something. ROMANCE And I was? PATIENCE Fifty-one. You were different, I think. Acted like you loved her.. All the others shrieked when she took off her mask and they saw what an old pugly Lust had turned into. ROMANCE I slept with her for a year. PATIENCE Yeah. That's pretty gross. ROMANCE What made the gods... how did they become so... ungodly? PATIENCE They didn't have any gods. ROMANCE ...we've stopped. PATIENCE Something is wrong. We're not in the mountain range. The wagon doors creek open. Light pours in. Fat Daddy. FAT DADDY Welcome home, lovelies. INT. FAT DADDY'S PALACE -- AFTERNOON Patience and Romance are held firmly by GUARDS. PATIENCE I can't stop you. Too weak. Too short. But he can. Romance, do your thing. Bite this ukulele's head off. ROMANCE No. PATIENCE You choose now to cap your fury? Blast it, kid! You ripped The Chomp's head open! Something inside you - you got might. This guy's cracked, bonkers even! This is the big badness! Bitch-King-What's-Wrong-With-The World! FAT DADDY Oh ho! Mr.Azarias Bergelmir Patience! These lecherous recriminations must end! Children, lock these fiends up. More guards swarm in. Romance flicks his head back, causing Love's Mask to slide downward from the top of his head - covering his face. Guards seize him and violently drag him off. FAT DADDY (CONT'D) (whispering) The mask... Boys! Bring the younger one to cell nine. GUARD #1 What about the midget? PATIENCE Don't touch me, you prick pincher. I have an army! They already know I'm captured and oh, they are coming! I've summoned them. My army is coming! FAT DADDY Take him to get spanked. One of the guards brings a giant wooden mallet down upon Patience's head. He falls to the ground, limp. INT. PATIENCE'S DUNGEON CELL -- DAY Dark and dank. Patience awakes and finds himself laying on his stomach, chained to a torture rack. THE SPANK, a sickeningly skinny, toothless man sits in the corner, rocking back and forth. Patience takes notice. PATIENCE Who in blazes are you? THE SPANK I am... The Spank! PATIENCE Oh, for shit's sake. The Spank jumps up and grabs a bucket of oily sludge from below the table. THE SPANK A fool! A fool you are! To oppose the divine wisdom of The Poetic End! PATIENCE Religions are best served unorganized. Especially ones that involve being an enormous shit ass to anyone that disagrees with you. THE SPANK You've lost your mind! PATIENCE At least I have a mind to lose, Spanky. Can't you weirdos see? The cell's door opens, Fat Daddy walks in with The Son. PATIENCE (CONT'D) ... The emperors got no fucking clothes on. FAT DADDY Oh my! Language, really! After all, lovely, we are in a rather promising position to take your life. PATIENCE I'm a prophet, retard. I know when I'm gonna die. It'll be on a bed of roses. Romantic. You ain't takin' dirt. FAT DADDY Oooh prophecies, sacrifices, magic and spooks... the old gods are dead and dying. Can't you dig it? PATIENCE Everything is dead and dying. Haven't you and your zombie prince heard? It's the damned end of the world. FAT DADDY Ahh, and with it a new beginning. A new genesis. PATIENCE What do you want from me? FAT DADDY Directions. PATIENCE To where? FAT DADDY Your father's house. Fat Daddy and Patience both gaze out the cell's window towards the moon. EXT. THE MOON -- NIGHT CLATTERING and THUNKING emits from within. PJORRC (O.S.) (O.S.) Po is dead! Aveta is dead! INT. THE MOON - PJORRC'S WORKSHOP -- NIGHT Pjorrc stands atop a giant cabinet filled with various tools and gizmos. A sea of Memories clutter the floor, bulging and churning over each other. PJORRC My son's death is nearly approaching and my daughter might as well be dead! Leave me be! Pjorrc throws a wrench down at the Memories. They shriek. PJORRC (CONT'D) I have suffered the hounds of Memory long enough! Pjorrc loses his balance and falls off the cabinet and into the pulsing whiteness. PJORRC (CONT'D) No... no... NO! FLASHBACK: INT. A SMALL COTTAGE -- AFTERNOON The human cottage. Po stands frozen at the door, staring at her transformed husband and his human girlfriend. PO (whispering) I...hate you. Po exits. Pjorrc morphs back into his normal alien appearance. The woman screams. PJORRC When he's born, call him Patience. Pjorrc exits, living the woman wide-eyed, shivering, and alone. EXT. PO'S CAVE -- AFTERNOON Pjorrc stands in front of the opening to Po's cave. The entrance is shut tight forming a thin crack that runs down the cliff's surface. PJORRC Po! Spread your walls lest I spread them with force! INT. PO'S CAVE - LIVING ROOM -- AFTERNOON Po paces around her living room, muttering and crying to herself. She looks insane. Memory enters, slowly wiggling across the carpet. PO Memory! You heard my call! Thank you for coming! I assume you know the means of the summon... MEMORY You wish for me to haunt your husband. I have already begun. PO Sugar, you're my last friend. PJORRC (O.S.) (O.S.) Po! I have the statues! They shall peal these rocks ajar! MEMORY False. I have also begun to haunt you, Fygrrikdt-Po. I favor no one. PO What?! LOVE (O.S.) (O.S.) Mom? Where's dad? Love enters from the kitchen with Loner. Po shrieks. END FLASHBACK INT. PATIENCE'S DUNGEON CELL -- AFTERNOON CRACK, a whip snaps at Patience's back, tearing his shirt. He stands bent over the torture table, his arms chained forward. His backside juts upwards, facing Fat Daddy. FAT DADDY Tell me how to get to the moon! PATIENCE Bastard! INT. ROMANCE'S DUNGEON CELL -- AFTERNOON Romance is alone, chained to the wall. FAT DADDY (O.S.) (O.S.) It's not love for your father that steadies your tongue! Tell me! Romance perks up at this revelation. ROMANCE Father? INT. PATIENCE'S DUNGEON CELL -- AFTERNOON FAT DADDY (exhausted) Oh buttertooth, this simply isn't working. Spank? THE SPANK Yes'm my lord? FAT DADDY Do your thing. THE SPANK Alright then, off with yer trousers. The Spank pulls down Patience's pants, revealing a smooth space between his legs. A jagged scar marks where his genitals should be. THE SPANK (CONT'D) Aye, sir! He doesn't have any bits and pieces... FAT DADDY Why Patience, what ever happened to your-- PATIENCE Piss off! The Spank puts on a long, phallic-like helmet and dumps the bucket of sludgy oil over himself. FAT DADDY Very well. You can spank him anyway. PATIENCE I'm too old for that. The greasy, skinny old man grins at Patience and walks over to the opposite side of the room. He eyes Patience's exposed rear. THE SPANK Not for this kind yer not. The Spank bends over like a bull about to charge. He rears back, then runs - the greased phallic helmet pointed exactly at Patience's backside. His eyes explode with terror. INT. ROMANCE'S DUNGEON CELL -- AFTERNOON The door opens. Fat Daddy enters. Earth-shaking SCREAMS emanate from Patience's cell. FAT DADDY Hello lovely. Sorry for the dungeon flare, but oh my, you are a bit too powerful to go unchecked. Romance remains silent, arms chained back against the wall. His legs dangle loosely - his toes about half an inch from the ground. A fat rat nibbles and paws at his foot. FAT DADDY (CONT'D) Oh me muh my my... not one for chit chat, I see. Neither is your companion. Patience screams from offscreen. Fat Daddy smiles. FAT DADDY (CONT'D) This is awkward. We've got bad blood between us, yes? The Chomp. Oh my, I may have been a bit-- Romance kicks the rat, sending it flying into Fat Daddy's mouth. GULP. He chokes, gags, and falls over. Romance struggles, futilely trying to break his arm restraints. CREAAAOFFF. Fat Daddy coughs up the rat. It flies out the window. EXT. DUNGEON COMPLEX -- AFTERNOON The Apple Man sits by Guard # 1, talking to his bird. APPLE MAN Yeah... I feel bloody awful. If only there was a way I could help the poor lad. SMACK. The rat falls from the cell windows and lands solidly on Guard # 1's head. He topples over, unconscious. CLOSE ON his keys. The Apple Man looks at his bird, and back at the guard's keys. INT. ROMANCE'S DUNGEON CELL -- AFTERNOON FAT DADDY Look! I'm not going to give you the normal join me or die speech. This is it lovely, the old way of looking at things is dying. The world is being restructured and it needs a damn good set of hands to make it grow up right. My son and I - with your spirit and that mask - do you even know what clings to your head? Whose face it is? How it protects you? Hate would have taken your head, not just your hand, had you not been wearing that thing. We can use that! The world is a story and we're all characters - me and you, well, we've got major freakin' roles. And they could be bigger. The old storyteller has retired - and the world needs someone else to take his spot. You, me, and my son make three. A trinity. It could be us, we could tell this world's story. A beat. FAT DADDY (CONT'D) Well, answer me! ROMANCE Every human should tell his own story. PATIENCE (O.S.) (O.S.) Ahh! Blast it! I give I give I give! FAT DADDY Oooh, it looks like Mr. Patience is ready to talk. Fat Daddy walks to the door. FAT DADDY (CONT'D) Tell me, Romantic. Why do you hunt them? Where is the thorn that provokes your snarl? ROMANCE They killed my girlfriend. FAT DADDY Oh. Haha. Oh. That's rich. INT. PATIENCE'S DUNGEON CELL -- AFTERNOON CLOSE ON Patience's face - exhausted, desperate. PATIENCE Go outside of Po's cave. FLASH FORWARD: EXT. A MOUNTAIN -- AFTERNOON Fat Daddy climbs the same mountainside Romance scaled during his first encounter with Po. EXT. PO'S CAVE -- AFTERNOON PATIENCE (O.S.) (O.S.) Walk to the edge and concentrate. Fat Daddy stands at the ledge outside of Po's cave, looking outward at the mountain range. PATIENCE (O.S.) (O.S.) (CONT'D) Speak the name Bitfrost. FAT DADDY Bitfrost... PATIENCE (O.S.) (CONT'D) And a magic bridge will appear. A semitranslucent, glowing bridge appears before Fat Daddy. The arch branches out from the edge of the mountain and into the sky. PATIENCE (O.S.) (O.S.) There are 9,000 steps. Walk up them. They will pilot you to the moon. Fat Daddy ascends up the steps... EXT. THE SKY -- AFTERNOON ...Past the clouds... EXT. OUTERSPACE -- NIGHT ...Into outer space, towards the moon. END FLASH FORWARD INT. DUNGEON CELL -- AFTERNOON The Spank pulls off his helmet with a sucking POP. Fat Daddy stands before Patience, their faces close. PATIENCE And make sure you trip along the way. FAT DADDY Indeed. EXT. DUNGEON COMPLEX -- AFTERNOON The Apple Man places the keys into his bird's beak. THE APPLE MAN Now fly along birdy, free the skinny one first! The bird flutters off of The Apple Man's shoulder and flies upwards towards Romance's cell window. THE APPLE MAN (CONT'D) And tell him I'm sorry! INT. FAT DADDY'S PALACE - HALLWAY -- AFTERNOON Fat Daddy marches down the hallway, The Assistant and The Son at his side. FAT DADDY I do not believe master Romance is buying what we're selling. INT. FAT DADDY'S PALACE - THRONE ROOM -- DAY The three march into the room. Fat Daddy sits down in front of a table. A butcher's cleaver rests next to a wooden box. He picks up the knife. FAT DADDY Therefor - I've concocted a Plan B. Fat Daddy raises the cleaver and places his left hand onto the table. SHLACK. The cleaver drops, lopping off his left hand. The Assistant grimaces. The Son watches, emotionless. No blood spills from the wound. Fat Daddy places the severed hand into the wooden box, along with a needle and thread. FAT DADDY (CONT'D) I'm going to the moon to crack a deal with Pjorrc. Romance will join our trinity - willingly or no. Fat Daddy closes the lid and looks at his son. FAT DADDY (CONT'D) My son - pay The Romantic a visit while I'm gone. Perhaps those colossal muscles will intimidate his will, though I doubt it. The face of Love protects him from hate - in all of its forms. Fat Daddy stands, picks up the box, and gestures towards The Assistant. FAT DADDY (CONT'D) Mr.Gord - maintain the Palace while I'm away. I'm going to the moon. INT. ROMANCE'S DUNGEON CELL -- AFTERNOON The Apple Man's bird flutters in through the window, keys in mouth. He perches on Romance's head. ROMANCE You're that fellow's bird, the one that got us trapped. The bird coos, then flies over to Romance's right arm. He maneuvers the key into the lock and turns his head. CLICK. He moves to the left arm. CLICK. ROMANCE (CONT'D) Thank-- CREEEEEEEK. The Son enters the jail cell. The bird flutters out the door. ROMANCE (CONT'D) Have you come to torture me, like they did to Patience? The Son nods his head. ROMANCE (CONT'D) I saw you once, when you were a baby. Before your dad put you into that body. The Son cracks his knuckles and moves close to Romance. ROMANCE (CONT'D) Before your dad put that spell on you... The Son raises his arms, menacingly. ROMANCE (CONT'D) Before you grew up-- SHWAP. Romances right arm springs free of the shackle and clutches The Son's face, catching him off guard. Romance braces his foot against The Son's belly and pulls his right arm back. KRRRRRRIPT. He tears The Son out from inside the zombie-body. The stitches rip and the giant muscular body falls limp. The real Son... a tiny, skeletal, pink figure. Its flesh is tan around the eyes - where it was exposed to the sun through the hole in the giant body's face. The rest of the body is ghastly pale, never having seen light. Romance drops The Son next to his fallen zombie body. It wiggles and grunts - its tiny frame unable to support its head. Romance exits, leaving The Son wounded and alone. INT. THE MOON - PJORRC'S WORKSHOP -- NIGHT CLINK. CLATTER. Pjorrc works at the base of his machine - now a tall, skinny clockwork structure that reaches to the ceiling. PJORRC Hello, Fat Daddy. He turns and faces his guest. PJORRC (CONT'D) It's been a while. FAT DADDY You look a tad shorter since last. PJORRC Are they selling maps to Bitfrost, now? FAT DADDY Nay. Your son told me. PJORRC Oh. I believed he was sending the human to kill me. Thought I might beat him to the punch. Pjorrc motions to the machine he's working on. A noose. FAT DADDY And rob the hero of his climax? Brilliant! But I'm not here to kill you lovely, oh no! No no! I'm here to make a deal. PJORRC Get on with it, Magog! FAT DADDY Oh fine. Look, it's simple. When the human comes, give him this box. Tell him he'll need what's inside to kill Puh-Puh. PJORRC Obble-Dee Puh Puh is just a tool. It isn't something you can kill. FAT DADDY Yes, but he doesn't know that. The humans never figured that one out. PJORRC And if I give this to him? FAT DADDY You know all the prophecies, I'm assuming. PJORRC I am a prophet. Yes. FAT DADDY Well, The Transfiguration has already taken place. As has The Assumption, the Pregnancy... The Annunciation. Now comes The Parenting. PJORRC I know all this and fail to care! FAT DADDY Ooooh don't be sour. What I'm trying to... well, you know who the boy is and what he'll do. I can make it certain that when the world is reborn... that you carry on. PJORRC That I'd survive the birth? Pjorrc strokes the noose that hangs in front of him. FAT DADDY Exactly. PJORRC I could... FAT DADDY ...Start over. A clean slate. PJORRC No more Memories. FAT DADDY None. PJORRC And all I have to do is... FAT DADDY Give him the box. INT. FAT DADDY'S PALACE - THRONE ROOM -- AFTERNOON The Assistant stands by Fat Daddy's empty throne, dusting its cushions. He looks from side to side, then quickly sits down upon it. He relaxes. ASSISTANT I could have been the third... A palace guard bursts in. The Assistant jumps up from the throne. GUARD #1 Sir! The Son was just found dead in the human's cell! He's escaped! INT. PATIENCE'S DUNGEON CELL -- AFTERNOON Patience lays wounded on the table. His cell door opens and Romance enters. ROMANCE Patience? PATIENCE My... my... I've been buggered. INT. DUNGEON - HALLWAY -- AFTERNOON The Guard and The Assistant walk speedily down the hallway. GUARD #1 Why did he leave us all alone, vulnerable like this? ASSISTANT We aren't vulnerable, you twit! This kingdom is impenetrable! The strongest ever made! EXT. FAT DADDY'S PALACE - THE ROOF -- AFTERNOON A bird's eye perspective of the palace. TWO GUARDS are situated on top of the roof. A giant shadow begins to form over them. One looks up. ROOF GUARD #1 Gadzooks! What is that? ROOF GUARD # 2 It's going to fall right on us! INT. DUNGEON - HALLWAY -- AFTERNOON Romance hurries along. Patience follows, slightly limping. PATIENCE Mybuttmybuttmybuttmybuttmybuttmybutt ROMANCE It's no good. We won't get out. Too many guards. PATIENCE Nonsense. My army is coming. INT. DUNGEON HALLWAY - NEARBY -- AFTERNOON ASSISTANT The mightiest fortress in the world! The most vigilant army! Why, it would take a savage army of barbarians, abused since birth, locked up in a cage - tortured and starved - to tear this place apart. Romance and Patience round the corner. THUNK, they bump and stumble into The Assistant and Guard # 1. ASSISTANT (CONT'D) Caught you, you sniveling snots! There is no escaping The Tridipidians! There is no army savage enough to quench The Poetic End! PATIENCE Wrong, popsicle pants. EXT. FAT DADDY'S PALACE - THE ROOF -- AFTERNOON The two guards stare upwards, simultaneously screaming. Something crashes into the roof. INT. DUNGEON HALLWAY -- AFTERNOON PATIENCE (CONT'D) You forgot about mine. CRRRRASSSH! Patience's house lands at the end of the hallway in a cloud of dust and falling debris. The door slowly opens. The Assistant and The Guard look at each other. Patience's babies - now grown up - come pouring out. Their bodies are sickly skinny. Their hair is tangled and stringy, their nails long sharp swords. Drooling and starving, they are naked except for soiled diapers. The Guard and The Assistant stare frozen in terror as the swarm of adult bastards charges towards them. Patience grabs Romance and pulls him into the doorway of a cell just before the wave of fury hits. The Assistant screams offscreen - sounds of FLESH BEING TORN. The swarm passes on and Romance and Patience slowly step out. All that remain of The Assistant and The Guard are bones. ROMANCE That's why your house has arms and legs. PATIENCE That's why. Come on. Patience runs to his house. PATIENCE (CONT'D) Those babies haven't eaten in a decade. They are going to render this place to blazes. The two enter the house and shut the door. It hunches down, then leaps upwards, crashing through the ceiling. EXT. FAT DADDY'S PALACE -- AFTERNOON The house soars away in the sky. Meanwhile, the Baby-Barbarians devour anyone in sight. Many are eating houses and churches. Citizens run in terror. A group of barbarians has a Chomp pinned down, munching away. A Tridipidian Priest runs by. A barbarian pins him and rips off his head. INT. THE MOON - TELEVISION ROOM -- NIGHT Fat Daddy and Pjorrc observe the Palace being torn apart from the television-portholes that speckle the walls. FAT DADDY Well. That was unexpected. PJORRC Lucky you had a Plan B. FAT DADDY Yes, lucky. Well, I better see to my part, then. Fat Daddy looks over at a rusty saw sitting on Pjorrc's workbench. He walks over and picks it up. FAT DADDY (CONT'D) Mind if I borrow this? PJORRC Go right ahead. See yourself out. A beat. PJORRC (CONT'D) Magog. FAT DADDY Yes? PJORRC Are you going to kill him? FAT DADDY Yes. Another beat. FAT DADDY (CONT'D) Will you try to stop me? PJORRC No. EXT. PO'S CAVE -- AFTERNOON SOUND OF AN INCOMING PROJECTILE. BOOM. Patience's house crashes onto the ledge in front of Po's cave. The door opens. Patience and Romance jump out. PATIENCE Alright, one more errand to run before we hit the moon. You're gonna need to bring that mask with-- Patience stops walking towards the cave, noticing Romance lagging behind. ROMANCE Tell me who you are. PATIENCE What? You know who-- ROMANCE Tell me who you are. PATIENCE So. You know. A beat. ROMANCE You're a god. What are you the god of? Patience sighs and looks at Romance, exasperated. ROMANCE (CONT'D) You are Time's son. Why would you help me kill your father? PATIENCE He ripped off my balls. ROMANCE What?! What do you mean? PATIENCE Literally. Clean off. And I haven't been able to... un-frustrate.... myself since. ROMANCE What?! Why?! PATIENCE Long story. And everyone's getting impatient. ROMANCE That's ridiculous! PATIENCE Father and son relationships almost always are. ROMANCE You bastard! You were supposed to be helping me! PATIENCE Wrong! You were supposed to be helping me! ROMANCE I'm the hero! You were supposed to be my mentor! PATIENCE No, I'm the hero! You're the mentor! ROMANCE What?! You even have the stupid beard! PATIENCE This beard isn't even real! Patience pulls off his beard and mustache, then puts the set back on. ROMANCE Why on earth would you wear a beard that's not attached to your face? PATIENCE Why on earth would you wear a hat that's not attached to your head? ROMANCE You gods are wicked things. You control people. You manipulate people. You destroy people. And I'm sick of it. I'm sick of dominance. I'm sick of omnipotence. I'm sick of everything changing without my control with no one telling me why! PATIENCE Because no one knows why! Things change! And that's that! Get over it and grow up! Everyone else has, and most of us were able to do it without killing anything! ROMANCE It wasn't my fault! You gods-- PATIENCE Existed! No more, no less. Humans were given the world - literally - and you blew it. You made your gods into excuses and your excuses into gods. And now you want to turn your sissy little blame game on me. ROMANCE But I loved her! PATIENCE Did you? Romance hesitates. ROMANCE You monster. PATIENCE No. Monsters are beasts that have forsaken their ability to love and forgive. To repent and to regret. To admit when they've made a mistake. There are one million monsters in this world and that's why it's falling to pieces. Look at yourself, Romance, look at where you are and why you're here and tell me you're not one of them. Tell me it's my fault. Look at yourself. Patience raises the golden mirror used to kill Hate. Defensively, Romance brings Po's mask over his face. A beam of light shines at the mask from the mirror. CRICK. Both objects crack and break. PATIENCE (CONT'D) So, there's no hope left for love in this world. Foolish me for wishing different. Go into that cave and tell who lives inside what happened to her face. Then pray. Pray hard. ROMANCE I'm going after Pjorrc. I heard the directions. PATIENCE A long time ago you asked me to help you find Love. Well, kiddo. We're here. ROMANCE I've already-- PATIENCE Been in the basement? We're here. ROMANCE Fine. Romance turns and leaves. PATIENCE Fine. Romance enters into Po's cave. Patience is alone. FAT DADDY (O.S.) (O.S.) My oh my. All alone on a bed of roses... Patience looks down. Roses beneath his feet. Fat Daddy stands on the Bitfrost bridge, a few feet above Patience. PATIENCE Magog... Fat Daddy pulls out the saw he took from Pjorrc. It glitters viciously in the sunlight. FAT DADDY How romantic... INT. PO'S CAVE - LIVING ROOM -- DAY Romance walks through the empty living room. INT. PO'S CAVE - KITCHEN -- DAY ... And through to the basement door. He opens it and descends down the steps. A disembodied head leaps up at him! Needle like teeth erupt from the creature's mouth - painfully protruding from the jaw and tearing the fragile lip flesh. Romance falls backwards. The creature slithers his way up Romances chest with the aid of a fragmented spinal cord stemming from the base of the head. LOVE (O.S.) (O.S.) Loner. Let him be. The monster hops off of Romance and heads towards the offscreen voice like a puppy to its master. Love hangs against the far wall, crucified on a giant cross. Her skin is no longer milky white but a muddy brown - leathery and ancient. Her face skeletal and horrific. Romance gasps and walks over. He notices that Love's legs have been chewed off at the knee. ROMANCE That monster did that to your legs? LOVE Wicked claws and chomping jaws does not a monster make. He is my husband. When he had finished on his body I let him take my legs... to relieve the pain of his teething. ROMANCE Are you... LOVE Love. You have been looking for me. Romance nods. LOVE (CONT'D) Relax my child, and let me tell you a story. Of how the world is and how it will be. Of parents, and of children. And of growing up. DELICATE MUSIC plays. Love's mouth moves but we cannot hear her over the music. Romance nods to her, captivated. EXT. PO'S CAVE -- AFTERNOON Patience wrestles with Fat Daddy. The two seem evenly matched. Float up to the moon. INT. THE MOON -- NIGHT Pjorrc climbs a ladder leading to the top of his machine. Memories swarm over the ground beneath him. Reaching the top he pulls a lever. The HUM OF ELECTRICITY. He places the noose around his neck and closes his eyes. FLASHBACK: INT. PO'S CAVE - HALLWAY -- AFTERNOON Pjorrc enters. He HEARS screams, although we barely can over the music. He runs into... INT. PO'S CAVE - LIVING ROOM -- AFTERNOON ...and sees his wife standing over their daughter, strangling her. Loner is in the background, clutching a bleeding belly. Pjorrc charges forward, but Memory stands in his way. He moves. Memory moves as well. Blocked. SCRRRRIP. Po rips off Loves face and holds it up. Insane. END FLASHBACK INT. PO'S CAVE - BASEMENT -- AFTERNOON Love talks, her words still muted. Romance listens, horrified yet captivated. EXT. PO'S CAVE -- AFTERNOON SMASH. Fat Daddy's fist breaks Patience's nose. FLASHBACK: INT. PO'S CAVE - BASEMENT -- AFTERNOON Loner and Love's heads thunk against the steps leading down to Po's basement. Po drags the limp bodies, leaving trails of blood behind her. SMACK. SMACK. Po nails Love to the crucifix. In the background, Loner rises and charges at Po with a piece of wood. Po spins around. A beam of light emits from her hands and shines on Loner's face. He screams. Giant teeth rip out of his mouth, slicing his lips and breaking his jaw. Pjorrc bursts in from the stairs above. He sees Love on the cross, Loner with his teeth, then Po - who looks at him through their daughter's face, now a mask. He clutches at his head and runs away. Memories follow him in a trail. EXT. PO'S CAVE -- AFTERNOON Exiting the cave he collides into Patience. We hear dialogue, though faint over the music. Dream like. PATIENCE I knew you couldn't hide on the moon forever. Recognize me, pops? END FLASHBACK EXT. PO'S CAVE -- AFTERNOON Patience crawls on the ground. Fat Daddy stands above him with the saw. INT. PO'S CAVE - BASEMENT -- AFTERNOON ROMANCE I'm so sorry... for everything I've ever done. LOVE She knows, my child. She knows. In your youth you walked with monsters, and a monster you became. But you are a monster no longer. Now go, for the world around us is ending, and the time is nigh for you to finish your quest. EXT. PO'S CAVE -- AFTERNOON Romance exits the cave. In the background Fat Daddy pins Patience. Patience screams to Romance, but he's too far away. Romance can't hear. He walks up the Bitfrost Bridge, leaving the earth behind. The Moon hangs in the air over Patience. PATIENCE I'm sorry...father... help me... SWACK. The saw crashes down on Patience's skull, killing him. INT. THE MOON -- NIGHT Tears roll down Pjorrc's scarred cheeks. The Memories have begun to climb the ladder of his machine. PJORRC I'm...I'm... EXT. THE SKY -- EVENING LOVE (V.O.) (V.O.) The world is ending, as worlds do - when the creatures within forget how to grow up. Romance walks up the bridges steps. LOVE (V.O.) (V.O.) (CONT'D) But as this story dies, a new one is born - just as the parent's life dies with the birth of a child. Raise it with families who will teach their children the almighty power of self-knowledge and humility. Only then can they assume full responsibility over their destinies and learn the indisputable logic of eternal love. For only with love will they escape the impeding romances of their lives and the crushing horrors of the weight of the world. This is the potential of the divine human truth that transcends all things. FLASHBACK: INT. PO'S CAVE - KITCHEN -- AFTERNOON Po looks at a family portrait of the gods and cries. EXT. PO'S CAVE -- AFTERNOON Pjorrc and Patience. PATIENCE You killed my mother! PJORRC Time killed her. She was mortal. Dying's what they do best. PATIENCE You are Time! PJORRC As much as you are Patience. Patience grabs him. Pjorrc smacks away his hand and continues walking. Patience attacks, knocking Pjorrc to the ground. He sits on his chest and throttles him. Pjorrc's eyes bulge. PATIENCE Take some responsibility for yourself, you bloody bastard! PJORRC It wasn't my fault! Pjorrc's arms flail and find Patience's genitals. He twists. RIIIIP. Blood pours from Patience's crotch. He throws his head back in a scream and pulls a knife from his belt. SHINK. The knife slices down, chopping off Pjorrc's nose. They roll off of each other, both clutching their bloody wounds. END FLASHBACK EXT. PO'S CAVE -- AFTERNOON Fat Daddy rises, smiling over Patience's dead body. EXT. THE MOON -- NIGHT Romance stops, standing just outside the moon. INT. THE MOON - PJORRC'S WORKSHOP -- NIGHT Pjorrc jumps off of his contraption, hanging himself. ZZZZZAAAP. The tug on the noose triggers something in the machine. Electricity surges up and down the rope, charring Pjorrc's hanging body. The Memories SCREAM as the electricity pulses from the machine into their flesh. One by one they fall off of the tower, burned. The electricity spreads further, setting the moon ablaze. EXT. THE MOON -- NIGHT Romance retracts as the moon erupts into a ball of flame. The fire extinguishes moments later. The outside is gray and ashy. No longer resembling a pumpkin, it is the moon WE know. INT. THE MOON - PJORRC'S WORKSHOP -- NIGHT Romance's footsteps echo in the vast chamber. Everything is destroyed - burned to a crisp. A few surviving Memories wiggle in pain. Pjorrc hangs before Romance. His burned eyelids slowly open. PJORRC (raspy) The box. Fat Daddy's box sits on the ground below Pjorrc. It is the only thing in the room not blackened. Romance cautiously opens it and sees the hand. PJORRC (CONT'D) (gasping) You know how important hands are. What they can do. If you wish to master Puh Puh, you will need both. You are good with needle and thread. Sew it on. Or not. I don't care. Romance is stoic. He turns to leave. PJORRC (CONT'D) Tell me, oh son of man. We're all dead. What now can you say for yourself? ROMANCE I miss the smell of burning leaves. The lick of crisp winds upon my neck. PJORRC So do I... so do... Pjorrc's eyes close. Romance exits. EXT. THE MOON -- NIGHT Romance descends down the steps. He discards the box and begins sewing Fat Daddy's hand onto his stump. EXT. PO'S CAVE -- AFTERNOON He reaches the end of Bitfrost and looks curiously at his new hand, freshly sewn onto his forearm. His gaze travels from his hand to Patience. Romance falls to his knees before his dead companion. Tears well in his eyes... he reaches out to touch Patience's arm, and silently mouths the words "I'm sorry". A long moment of silence. A gust of wind picks up Patience's hat. Romance stands and pursues it. He stops his chase, noticing a golden spinning wheel - carved to resemble a tree - placed before him. RUMPELSTILTSKIN (V.O.) (V.O.) I, too, am a master of the spinning wheel... nay, I am retiring. Been replaced... some day you will owe me a favor... He curiously spins the wheel, testing the machine. Patience's hat continues to dance across the ground. WE notice that it is not wind, but a thin string that propels the hat. Two tiny green hands (like Rumpelstiltskin's) emerge from behind a rock, pulling at the other end of the string. The hat and the hands retract behind the concealing stone. Back to Romance - who removes The Golden Spindle (given by Rumpelstiltskin) from his backpack. CLICK. It fits perfectly. FLASHBACK: EXT. THE IPHIGEAN FOREST -- DAY A younger Romance sits with Rumpelstiltskin. RUMPELSTILTSKIN Before you go off to find your love, I want to tell you something. And I want you to think about what I say very carefully. Do you understand? ROMANCE Yes. RUMPELSTILTSKIN The name, Obble Dee Puh Puh, do you know what it means when translated from the language of the Gods? ROMANCE Yeah. It means God of All Gods. RUMPELSTILTSKIN Alas, I wish that were so. If only, my boy, if only life were that simple. ROMANCE Well then what does it mean? RUMPELSTILTSKIN Something perhaps equally important... but far more terrible, far more elusive. Obble Dee Puh Puh, once translated into our simple language means one thing which is in itself many things. Obble Dee Puh Puh means Self. END FLASHBACK Romance is seated, working the machine. His body fluidly comes to life, perfectly in tune with the spinning wheel. The wheel is magical. We are lost in its hypnotic turning - the spokes of the wheel ooze into stars... planets... galaxies... Romance raises his head and smiles. Behind him, a transparent ghost of Pretty Lady massages his shoulders. They are not on earth, but a sort of heavenly outer space... both seated on branches of the spinning wheel, which is now more tree-like, growing out from a chunk of earth that floats freely in space. The wheel (still at the top of the tree) looks like a spiraling galaxy. Fat Daddy floats into the foreground, slouching on a tiny planet. He watches and grins. FAT DADDY THE END. FADE TO BLACK.